This Monday, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is traveling to Brazil for tomorrow’s Mercosur extraordinary summit. At tomorrow’s meeting, the regional economic bloc will formalise Venezuela’s admission.

CUBA- On Saturday Cuba’s Health Ministry released the figure of reported case cholera- the new number 158, is nearly three times greater than previously released by the ministry. The ministry went on to say that the outbreak has been contained; despite the new figure they insist there has been no new cases. Nearly all of [...]

A recount was demanded yesterday in Mexico after Sunday’s heavily contested presidential election. This recount was made possible due to revisions of electoral law passed in 2007 in response to the controversial 2006 presidential elections. Leftist Party of the Democratic Revolution candidate (PRD) Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador insists it is necessary following allegations of vote-buying [...]

The government of Peru today declared a state of emergency in three northern provinces after three people were killed and at least 21 injured in demonstrations yesterday against the Minas Conga project.

The Madres del Dolor Association submitted a letter this morning criticising Security Minister Nilda Garré for the government’s silence after protests held in response to the killing of two brothers in Cañuelas. The association was formed in 2004 by a group of Argentine women who lost their innocent children in different crimes and situations of [...]

Just after a period of riots due to conflicts between the government and police officers in Bolivia, which was resolved today with the signing of an agreement, the 9th  Indigenous Territory and Isiboro Sécure National Park (Tipnis) March arrives to La Paz. About 300 activists began the 620km, month-long march to La Paz through the [...]

  Former Paraguayan President Fernando Lugo announced that he will not attend the Mercosur and Unasur meetings scheduled to take place in Argentina this weekend.  After Lugo was removed from office last week in a rushed and widely-criticized impeachment process, Unasur leaders decided to hold an additional conference (accompanying the scheduled Mercosur Summit) to discuss [...]

It’s not easy to get one-hundred and ninety countries to agree on anything. But that is what has been achieved at the end of the Rio+20 conference on sustainable development. World leaders and their representatives returned to their respective capitals waving the 283 paragraph agreement in the air and hailing it as a great success. [...]

Have you liked us on Facebook yet? Do it then, come on.

OK, now yes.

It’s Friday again!

And fortunately this week was a short one since we had a little break on Wednesday that I’m sure you used to learn all about why we had a little break on Wednesday.

Ha! No, I’m kidding. I know you don’t give a shit about Argentine national holidays. I’m teasing you, you guys!

But in case you do want to know why it was a national holiday (you don’t), it’s because it was Flag Day!

So there, I just made you a little more knowledgeable.

This is what you need to know:

• 

  Here's Manuel Belgrano casually sitting on a chair. He is now probably spinning in his grave. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  Well, it was obviously going to happen, even though I was 100% certain it wasn’t going to happen: a high noon stand-off between President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner and British Prime Minister David Cameron! While both heads of state were in Mexico to attend one of those G20 Summits, Cameron broke all sorts of protocol and approached Cristina. The minute he did so, she began rambling about the Malvinas/Falklands and why, oh, why the UK refuses to sit down and talk. She even had this big fat folder filled with UN resolutions urging both sides to talk, but Cameron refused to accept it, turned around and walked away.

• Have you checked the look on the face of David Cameron’s personal assistant? She’s literally trying to kill him with her icy stare.

• Minutes later, and full drama-queenism on display, Foreign Minister Héctor Timerman appeared before the press, showing the envelope containing the folder that Cameron had refused to take and spoke of how hurt Argentina was by his refusal to acknowledge their request. A natural-born diplomat, Timerman also refused to address the members of the British press in English, and told the La Nación envoys that, compared to the British media, “they even looked civilized.” True story!

• Also that’s preposterous! What kind of government refuses to accept a missive drafted in good faith, urging the other side not that they accept their point of view, but that they merely open up to dialogue? Who does that, I ask you?! WHO!? Oh. Right.

• Meanwhile, in Argentina, the shit was hitting the fan in unprecedented ways as the most powerful unionist in the country, CGT leader Hugo Moyano officially declared war on the National Government and announced that fuel truckers would go on a three-day national strike as they demanded higher salaries and urged Cristina to lower taxes. The strike drove the country into a frenzy – specially since it was a holiday on Wednesday – as millions of people had to leave frustrated and empty handed from every gas station they came across. Things got so bad that the President had to cut her trip short and fly back to Buenos Aires to put things in order. Which she didn’t, because the Government has pressed charges against Moyano over the strike, and he has responded by announcing a truckers’ nationwide strike next week. And to think only a year ago these two were best pals!

• Wow, that was an exhausting read! And you finished it all even though it didn’t even have any jokes or punchlines! I’m so proud of you. You’re growing up. I can tell.

• By the way, did you need to find a gas station that actually had any gas during the shortage? There was an app for that.

• In Latin American news that you would never read if I didn’t include them here: Uruguay is mulling the legalization or non-legalization of marijuana for commercial use while Paraguayan president Fernando Lugo may or may not be going through a coup right now. It’s all relative, ideologically speaking.

• Also: going somewhere this weekend? Well, if you’re flying domestic you may not be going anywhere this weekend.

• And speaking of Catholic hypocrisy, Merlo-Moreno Bishop and head of the Latin American chapter of Caritas Monsignor Fernando Bargalló was apparently discovered having a little rendezvous romantique with a female companion in Mexican beach. The encounter is allegedly from a couple of years ago but the controversial photos seem to have surfaced now. “She’s just a childhood friend,” he said sanctimoniously. And now the Vatican is analyzing whether he should be dishonorably discharged.  Hey, look on the bright side, Catholic Church. At least he wasn’t doing it with another guy. Now that would have made you look bad.

• In other news, Satan is to blame for all this, obviously. And, for some reason, people like me too.

• Since Cristina was out of the country, Vice-President Amado Boudou was in charge as acting-president, which is like when you are 10 and your parents leave the house, placing you under the supervision of your older, teenage brother who can’t wait to start smoking and watching pay-per-view porn. So as the highest-ranking authority in the nation, he was probably pissed that last Wednesday he had to wake up early to attend the annual parade taking place before the Flag Memorial in Rosario.

• And his frustration the night before was evident, since he went on Facebook and announced he would be “going to Rosario to celebrate the 200th anniversary of the creation of the Argentine flag.”

• Read that again, will you? In case you didn’t catch that.

• Still nothing? *rolls eyes* God. OK. Clearly you didn’t read what I posted about Flag Day earlier. You’re excused because you’re not an Argentine (and if you are, you’re definitely not excused). Every June 20th, Argentina celebrates a new anniversary of the death of Manuel Belgrano, who created and raised the Argentina flag for the first time in Rosario on February 27th, 1812, which we already celebrated this year. Wanna see La Nación capitalizing on Boudou’s fuck up? Here ya go. Enjoy.

• Also, the lady presenting the official celebrations on national television decided that “Manuel Belgrano” sounded too 19th-century-ish and chose to rechristen him “Juan Manuel Belgrano“. Thousands of Argentine historians collectively slit their wrists in dismay.

• Great news, everyone! While Cristina was attending a lunch with the Council of the Americas in the US, she announced that she “knows” that… wait for it… wait for it… APPLE IS COMING TO ARGENTINA!!!! AGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! SWEET MOTHER OF GOD I’M GONNA BUY SO MUCH SHIT!

• Terrible news, everyone! Apple replied with an: “Uhm… what? No.“

• Since apparently downtown Buenos Aires is not chaotic enough, the City Government has announced their plans to create more of a traffic clusterfuck in the area by turning it into a more (ironically-called, I presume) “traffic friendly” zone, with additional pedestrian streets or “pedestrian priority streets,” whatever that means. Good luck taking your parents to Plaza de Mayo for a quick visit next time they’re here. Just take them to the Recoleta Cemetery or that ugly giant flower and tell them to shut the hell up.

• OMG! Did you guys go see J-Lo and her ass on stage this week? Awesome!
  

  The world longest flag is Argentine, according to Wikipedia. Sure, whatever. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  Neither did I. But since she was apparently desperate to sell tickets she had a cameo on Singing for a Dream, or Dreaming for a Sing or Singing for a Dancing, or whatever the fuck it’s called. So here she is, nonchalantly walking on stage with that amazing ass attached to her body and her  poor Spanish skills as she fends off the show’s host and potential sex offender Mariano Iudica , who I must commend for not trying to grope her on live television. I mean, you can tell he totally wants to, but he doesn’t.

• Remember how the producers of Dancing With The Stars assured that this new season was going to be “mostly about helping others and less shallow and controversial”? Remember how I called bullshit? Well, guess what Argentina: I was right! I mean, the fact that they hired the Argentine Spanish South American European version of Paris Hilton, Argentine-born Charlotte Chantal Caniggia, as part of the team should have been a little telling. For those of you not well versed in pop culture, Charlotte Chantal is the daughter of former football star Claudio Paul Caniggia and the woman who became the proud founder of the botinera movement, Mariana Nannis, a refined, high-class lady with an alluring stench of nouveau riche who once confessed to hating poor people. So since the thistle doesn’t fall too far from the thistle tree – does it even fall from a tree? Isn’t it like a flower or something? Whatever –  Charlotte Chantal only cares about money. So when the judges staged an impromptu pop-quiz and asked her if she knew whether Argentina was in North, Central or South America, her brain literally exploded and she just couldn’t answer the question, the poor thing. Even worse, the judges destroyed her after her first performance, which means she will probably win in December.

• Let’s give football a break this week, since God knows it is already dealing with enough shit without me having to contribute to its own destruction. Shall we?

• Kind-of-OK tennis player David Nalbandian, who many like to call “King David” but I prefer to refer to as “stupid douchebag”, may have single-handedly destroyed his professional career due to his smug attitude and anger management issues.  See, this idiot was playing the finals of the AEGON Championship in London and he was winning, but then he lost a point and in order to vent his rage he decided to violently kick an advertising board, injuring a line judge. He was immediately disqualified and booed off the court, and as the media anxiously awaited a message of profound contrition, he just blurted out a half’-assed non-apology, saying things like “Yeah man, I’m sorry but it’s the ATP‘s fault for putting so much pressure on me and stuff.” So now he’s had to pay a $12560 fine and he’s facing an assault probe.

• That’s karma, bitch.

The relatives of Darío Santillán and Maximiliano Kosteki, two activists assassinated in 2002, along with members of various political and social organisations, held a press conference and a “caravan against impunity” today to denounce the transfer of former Superintendent Alfredo Fanchiotti to an ‘open’ prison in Baradero. The caravan, comprised of buses and cars, set [...]