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It’s Friday again!
And I’m mortified to say that this may be our last Weekly News Roundup ever, since the way things are going it’s very probable that in a few days Buenos Aires will be replaced by a highly radioactive wasteland after a British nuke goes off somewhere in the City, the result of David Cameron’s unilateral escalation of the Malvinas / Falklands sovereignty conflict.
Haha, I’m kidding of course!
However, don’t tell your mother about these jokes because you know how parents react to all this. You make a joke about war and they start freaking out, yelling at you for abandoning the comfort of your first-world lifestyle to leave for “Argelina or one of those countries near Brazil” (“Brazil” being the only country they more or less know how to locate on a map of South America. Yeah, that’s right, it’s always Brazil. It’s not Colombia, it’s not Paraguay and God knows it’s not Guyana, a country that even I thought was in Africa for several years. I know it. You know it. We all know it.)
Deal with it.
This is what you need to know:
Since apparently Mr. Cameron is dealing with some troubles at home he needs to divert attention and find a cause that will fire up the population. And what better way of doing that than appealing to the most primal of stupid nationalism? And while Argentina keeps saying “let’s talk about how those islands should belong to us,” the British government replies “Oh my God, invasion!!” So in order to protect the Malvinas/Falklands from a certain non-invasion and bring all of us closer to war, Great Britain has:
teach us all a lesson, so he opened the floodgates of hell over Buenos Aires, effectively flooding the whole city within seconds. And when I say “flood” I mean it. It was like that movie “The Day After Tomorrow,” only with more realistic special effects and better acting. If you had been waiting for the subway, this is what you would have run into. If you had been riding the bus, this is what you would have run into. And look! A geyser in the middle of the city! God bless Climate Change.
Have a great weekend everyone!