I recently hosted my parents here in Buenos Aires. It was a trip we had been planning for over a month now – choosing restaurants, day-trips, markets, accommodation… etc.

Over their ten days here, I played host and translator, and somehow managed to get us into one tricky situation after another. As a relatively new porteño myself, parts of this city still get the best of me, and probably always will.

The best way to explore this city is to ‘lose yourself’ in it; to wander its streets soaking in the architecture, history, and cityscapes. I think maybe we took that a bit too literally as we spent a lot of time hopelessly lost.

While wandering is important, wandering aimlessly while babbling (in English) about how lost you are makes you a bit of a target in certain areas you probably shouldn’t be wandering in. Combine that with the fact that you definitely look like foreigners (the combination of rain jackets, hiking boots, and fanny-packs are the visual equivalent of demanding to be robbed).

This week’s top five is the result of ten days of hard earned gum-shoe research towards where/how not to take your parents, or any visiting relatives, arriving at the city for the first time.

1. Villa 31

Villa 31 ‘Barrio Carlos Mujica’ (Photo: Henry0 on Flickr)

I’m not really sure how it happened or why I didn’t realise it earlier (I find myself asking this question a lot though) but somehow we managed to stumble into Villa 31, or at least close enough to send my mum into conniptions and my dad’s eyebrows into his hairline.

Most villas are off the beaten tourist track, located outside the city limits or hugging its furthest edges, far enough away from thimble hot-spots to keep my parents and I out of their limits. Villa 31 on the other hand, is right in Retiro, easy wandering distance from the train station

We were at the train station in Retiro waiting for our ride to Tigre. With about 20 mins to kill until the train was scheduled to leave we decided to take a tour of the area. We sauntered around for awhile and eventually, as aimless wandering often goes, veered onto the wrong side of the tracks. Soon enough it became pretty clear that my mom wasn’t going to find any thimbles for her collection here and we high-tailed it out pretty quick.

No need for details on this one. Villas, while a evident part of life in Buenos Aires, aren’t a good place to bring your parents. Lots of great people live there, but the abject poverty draws in some who could try and take advantage of you.

Caminito in La Boca (Photo: Gus Guslight)

2. Tourist Traps

Any city with a market for tourism is going to have a couple of these. There are a few in Buenos Aires – pedestrianised Florida and La Boca’s ‘Caminito’ are a couple of classics.

It is important to give yourself a tight schedule when entering known tourist sections as one can easily end up spending more time than needed. I would suggest drawing up short contracts for all to sign, which clearly limit the amount of time allotted for searching for thimbles (we did this a lot), or any other unnecessary souvenir.

The fruit market in Tigre is another example: it offers some great local crafts, but pier after pier of wicker can start getting prickly (get it?). I would highly recommend Tigre as a place to visit. It is beautiful, but wicker is stupid.

3. Plaza de Mayo (during a protest)

Protest in Playa de Mayo (Photo: Patricio Murphy)

This historic square is a must-see when you are in Buenos Aires. Since being the scene of the 25th May 1810 revolution that led to Argentina’s independence. It is the seat of countless historical events over the life and times of the city.

You really can’t come to Buenos Aires and miss the chance to soak up the square. Unfortunately, though, I brought my parents here just in time for the heat of Hugo Moyano’s CGT demonstration, which brought thousands of angry unionists together to get rowdy and do some shouting.

A tourist hot-spot with an aura of ‘protest’, that has bubbled over into violence in the past, a major social demonstration can become rowdy and uncomfortable for unaccustomed sightseers.

Be sure to check the news before leading your parents into a possible riot, if not to avoid, then at least to give yourself time to make a fun sign and think of clever chants.

On the plus side, protests do draw in the best street vendors!

4. Adult Shows

Restaurant Te Mataré Ramirez (courtesy of Te Mataré Ramirez)

Buenos Aires can be a bit more sexually liberal than other places, especially straight-laced North America. Even television and advertising seems more explicit.

The nightlife in general is pretty liberal in this respect. There are plenty of clubs, restaurants, bars, etc, that cater to the ‘erotic’ tourist, not to mention that the city is often labelled as the ‘gay mecca’ of Latin America.

In short, there are plenty of opportunities to create painfully uncomfortable situations if you are travelling with relatives in tote.

Conveniently located in Palermo, Te Mataré Ramirez is an excellent example of a place you probably don’t want to take your parents. The restaurant markets itself as an aphrodisiac dining experience; Kama Sutra themed décor and nightly erotic shows top the menu here.

A friend of mine shared a lesbian tango show and a male strip tease with her parents – just a couple of examples of what you could enjoy with your meal here.

Speaking for myself here, but associating my parents with anything, remotely sexual is a special kind of awful. That said, if you feel like enjoying some erotic performances with mum and dad, here you can do so- and eat too!

5. Bosques de Palermo (at night)

Bosques de Palermo at night (Photo: Daniel Vercelli)

Like Plaza de Mayo, the bosques are a must-see in BA. Some 400 hectares of beautiful park replete with groves, lakes, and rose gardens. You can take a stroll, rent a bike, rent a boat, bring some mate and just have a sit down – have fun!

After dark, however, the lungs of the city turn into a red-light district specialising in transsexuals.

By all means check out the bosques, just don’t hang around too late, unless of course you’re seeking that sort of entertainment (even then, hopefully not as part of a family outing).

While it was still daylight when my parents and I strolled through the Bosques, we managed to find some trouble here as well. Pausing to look at the map we fell for the ol’ spray-you-with-fake-bird-poo-steal-your-wallet trick. Fortunately, before we had time to hand-over our passports and socks, an unknown gentleman came to the rescue. This is apparently a common trick, so heads up!

In the end we all had a great time, and maybe even had a more authentic experience than most through our aimless wandering. In that sense, this week’s top five could be taken either way.

Have you had an interesting experience with visiting relatives in Buenos Aires? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Photo by Daniel Estrada

If you go down to the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise…

Instead of teddy bears, you could be sharing your tartan throw and cream teas with some of Buenos Aires’ transvestites.

In the sprawling Parque 3 Febrero, by day, you will find families walking, laughing, feeding the ducks, splashing around on boat rides and strolling through the rose gardens. By night however, the park, or more specifically the so-called ‘Bosques de Palermo’, host a far more shady enterprise: transgender prostitution.

The transvestite prostitute community (or travestis as they are known) of the bosques has developed in a typically turbulent way. In September 2004, a government bill prohibited prostitution within 200 metres of a school, church or residential building. This left them with very few options, but the relative peace and quiet of the bosques continued to house them, in spite of the restrictions.

In August 2007, following complaints by local residents and park users, the prohibition was extended to this patch also. The travestis reacted in angry protest and an uneasy meeting in the rather unlikely location of the Palermo Golf Club ensued. Residents and prostitutes have now agreed to disagree and government bodies are currently negotiating some kind of peace.

As the travestis struggle to gain ground, business continues as usual, and unashamedly. It has become a well documented part of the Buenos Aires experience. The whispered words ‘Bosques de Palermo’, mean only one thing to the taxi drivers, and with a wink and a ‘si, señor’, you’re off into the depths; no questions or sideways glances.

Photo by Daniel Estrada

I brave the woods to discover more.

We drive past the trees, and a row of streetlamps slides into view. There, sure enough, lining the streets, are the feathers, the legs and the hand bags. Scantily-clad, whistling and beckoning anyone who passes by or dares to catch their eye. I am struck by its unambiguous, explicit organisation. It’s far from the threatening, clandestine practice that it is traditionally seen as.

Here, there are as many curious onlookers as there are clients; revellers from the nearby electronica club, ‘Crobar’, wander through, as well as the occasional jogger and pedestrian. The way is well lit and open, noisy and vibrant; not the ‘forbidden forest’ I was expecting. I also notice a distinct lack of police patrols through the area. I zip my rucksack up and venture in.

I approach a happy-looking young ‘lady’, who turns out to be Luna, aged 18, with a cigarette in hand as a kind of peace offering. For, though not naturally shy by any means, they have learnt not to trust too quickly.

“The life of a transvestite is very complicated,” she offers, wistfully, “you don’t know if you will make it home alive at the end of the night.” Her story is typical, though she is younger than most. She works the streets for money, even in the winter when it snows, because there is less money for call girls. Like many of the community, she gets hassled by taxi drivers and the police, who have been known to take advantage of their vulnerability.

Despite an obvious Adam’s apple and hands that are bigger than mine (as she lights her cigarette), you could certainly be forgiven for mistaking Luna’s sexual identity. She has flowing red hair, and incredible legs; though she admits that she is ‘pretty macho’, and that, after all, she ‘has balls’.

She is ambitious and is currently studying English, though, perhaps disappointingly, this is more as a way to reach the tourists than as a way out. Foreigners and English people, she says, are more upfront, looking for an adventure; whereas Argentines are often more shy.

She worries about making money, and the cold in winter. She is afraid of getting diseases. “If I continue with this …[I] won’t live until I’m 35,” she says. With each point she ticks off, she gives a flick of her hair and a smile. She is incredibly defiant in the face of these problems.

Photo by Daniel Estrada

A report in 2006 by the association of the Mothers of Plaza de Mayo surveyed over 300 transvestites. The report said that nearly 70% of these had died between the ages of 22 and 41. Of these, 62% died of HIV/AIDS, 17% were murdered and the rest committed suicide, were killed in traffic accidents, or were ‘the victims of drug overdose, illnesses or medical malpractice in cosmetic surgery carried out in unhygienic conditions’.

Ninety percent of those surveyed said they had suffered physical or verbal abuse because of their gender identity.

‘Precila’, the next girl along, wearily loiters, then eventually comes over and introduces a new topic. We discuss the ‘provincial girls’ from outside Capital Federal. Life outside Buenos Aires, I learn, is harder still; here at least the girls look out for one another. They have strength in numbers, and this is attracting many to the city.

This influx, however, means increased competition. After all, they are competing for clients in a supply-and-demand market. Zula Lucero, from ‘Las Mariposas’ website, articulated in blunt terms the market nature of the job, saying: “we are bodies on a corner which are consumed like a cigarette.”

Despite this constant objectification, Luna and Precila remain sentient, thoughtful and respectful. Precila tells me that as a youngster she was taught to treat people with respect, and that she always has done so as a result.

The travestis are developing a public profile. Argentina’s most famous transvestite Florencia de la V, has done a lot to make the public more aware. “People have become more tolerant,” she says.

A new magazine, ‘El Teje’, run by the Centro Cultural Rojas, is devoted to the transvestite community. Despite some teething problems (most of the community have little formal education), the first issue print run of 1,000 copies quickly ran out. They are currently looking to raise funds through advertising, and are hoping to develop the magazine in the coming months.

Photo by Daniel Estrada

This tolerance is allowing them a voice that they have lacked for so long. A draft law on transgender identity, which has been introduced in Congress, would allow transvestites to legally change their name and thus their official gender identity. This will allow them access to the public facilities which we often take for granted, and also applications to work.

The movement may be getting a reputation in court, but until they are allowed equal access to the porteño life, prostitution will remain their principle source of income.

Luna and Precila have quickly overturned my preconceptions. They are not scary or freakish; they are strong-minded, charismatic and funny. But they are badly misunderstood and vulnerable in their dangerous profession.

As we go to leave, someone screams ‘puto!’ from a passing car, as it booms out the obligatory boy-racer reggaeton. Luna shrugs again, puffs on her cigarette and struts over to their open mouths and wide eyes.

Bosques de Palermo: between Av. Libertador and Av. F.Alcorta. 11pm-6am.