The term ‘bootcamp’ can conjure up frankly terrifying images of assault courses, crawling through mud, and being shouted at by an army sergeant. But over at Tangona, you can still reap the rewards of a hardcore bootcamp workout, this time with a few creature comforts.

Tangona Bootcamp is the brainchild of Argentine Daniel Tangona, who was influenced by the craze that was sweeping the US when he visited in 2005. Tangona and partner Migone Guille then decided to introduce this idea to the Buenos Aires exercise scene over at Barrio Parque.

Located up an almost hidden road in the swanky Barrio Parque (or to some, Palermo Chico) neighbourhood, the bootcamp workout is designed to be held outside (occasionally moved to the gym’s top floor with bad weather) with classes lasting approximately one hour. The workout is comprised of a thorough warm-up, followed by exercises combining Aero Box and Tae Bo, along with plenty of boxing reps, all mixed with circuits. The group then moves on to the floor work section, focusing primarily on abdominal work and posture, with the workout as a whole aiming to improve each participant’s strength, coordination, balance, power, strength, flexibility.

Argentine model Dolores Trull is one of the many converts to Tangona’s bootcamp religion, and the 20 or so fellow class-regulars certainly appeared to be sold on the alternative exercise class.

Tangona spoke of the attraction of a bootcamp style class: “we use different and varied elements: car tires, fences, cones, ropes, logs, stairs, boxing gloves…but the key is to use the weight of your own body.” It’s also vital to be utilising the elements and changing things up as to avoid repetition – the killer of regular exercise enthusiasm. However, bootcamp seems to be more than just a workout class, but more of a philosophy to both your body and life. Daniel insists that, “the essence is that the body and brain must be very strong. Life is full of obstacles we must overcome.”

Bootcamp is the definition of a high-intensity workout, and anyone who’s experienced one before will know to be prepared for endless ear-piercing whistles, shouted commands, and pounding music. No walk in the park and certainly no giggly ‘legs, bums, and tums’ class.

Class instructor Daniel’s quips and charisma add a personal and light-hearted touch; something that often dry and monotonous exercise classes can lack. Not for the faint-hearted, but if you feel the need to shakeup your current exercise routine and see results quickly, then a bootcamp class promises to shock you and your body.

Tangona Bootcamp welcomes people of all ages and fitness levels, and offers a host of other exercise activities and classes. Classes are conducted in Spanish. Classes run on Tuesday and Thursday from 9.30-10.30am.

Bootcamp by Tangona Fitness, Ocampo Wellness Centre, Ortiz de Ocampo 3256, Barrio Parque. (54911) 3639-1200. http://www.tangona.com/

I’ve been wanting to fence for as long as I can remember. It’s what in Spanish we’d call a ‘cuenta pendiente’ or in English, a long overdue item on my life’s ‘to do’ list. Yet it took moving to Buenos Aires and turning 31 to finally bite the bullet (or should I say grasp the pommel) and take my first tentative steps onto the piste.

Fencing is one of those curious sports that only enters the public domain once every four years or so, when it gets its 15 minutes of fame by way of international TV coverage during the Olympic games. For two weeks the lunges, intricate footwork and deft swordsmanship command a captive audience, only to fade from public consciousness just as quickly.

For me however, it was a constant presence in my life growing up. My father, an Olympic foilist, having competed in Montreal ’76 and LA ’84, was at the top of his game for many years, and many weekends during my school days were spent at fencing competitions, witnessing his unwavering nerve again and again as he more often than not made it to the last 16, 8, semis and inevitably to the final. I admired the way my father channelled his frustrations against his aggressor on the piste, always within the framework of meticulously controlled parries, repostes, and counter attacks he was both feared and revered for.

For most people, however, it remains a mysterious and inaccessible sport, generally synonymous with flamboyant references from popular culture such as D’Artagnan or Zorro, or confined to the antiquated wood panelled arms rooms you see in movies and public schools. With seemingly complicated rules and scoring system to the untrained eye, its elite status can deter potential newcomers just as easily as attract them.

But the reality of the sport and those who practise it is very different, not least in Argentina. Founded in 1880, GEBA (Club de Gimnasia y Esgrima de Buenos Aires) is one of BA’s longest standing social and sports clubs. A sprawling and imposing building occupying almost a full block of Bartolome Mitre, it was the obvious place to enquire about taking up the sport. In order to practise fencing you have to become a member, where the group sessions and the use of the hall and equipment is included. In contrast to the UK or US, where fencing courses tend to be more expensive and not affiliated to any club or gym, this allows novices to get a feel for the sport without a costly initial outlay.

Modern fencing comprises of three weapons, each with their own set of particular rules and idiosyncrasies. In foil, your target area is limited to the torso and bib area of the mask and it operates on a priority-based scoring system, where the person who initiates the attack is always awarded the point even if there is an on target counter attack. In epee, there is no right of way, and is perhaps the most faithful to what an authentic sword fight would have been like, where the whole area is considered on target, even the feet. Sabre is the most flamboyant and theatrical of the three, with its staccatoed, lightning-speed attacks and cutting moves with the side of the blade, and strikes to the top of the mask. And contrary to what many might believe, fencing doesn’t hurt. Granted, the odd hit delivered with force might give you a bruise, but with the spring-mounted blunt point, the padded clothing and the fetching plastic boob protector, the risk factor is minimal.

I attended my first session one Friday evening, when the weekly group beginners’ class is held. The hall is suitably grand, a floor-to-ceiling wood panelled room boasting countless brass-crested shields and antique weapon displays with a gallery round the top, the designated area for warming up, and a great vantage point to observe the adrenaline-fuelled duels playing out in the hall below. With an emphasis on epee, the weapon of choice at the club for beginners and a slow paced introduction to the rules and techniques, I soon realised that I would have to look into private lessons in order to nail the basics and compete with others as quickly as possible. Gustavo Pintos and Alberto Viaggio (ex Olympiad), two of the fencing masters at the club both offer individual classes, which at $70 for a 45-minute one-to-one lesson, was a luxury I could afford.

Each session involves a theory element, its application, and cooling down time. Unlike other sports, it is one of the few that doesn’t have a criteria in terms of starting age – and with no cut off either, many a silver-haired octogenarian grace the pistes. The benefits of fencing are indeed far reaching: not only does it give you incredible stamina and muscle tone (great for shaping legs and bottom), it hones reaction times and fine tunes logic skills and tactical finesse, vital in order to double bluff your opponent. Keeping your cool while sweating buckets is no mean feat.

Once you’ve cracked the basics, the world is your fencing pool, and there are always people game for a challenge, an unpretentious and sociable sport with the possibility to fence every weekday evening at GEBA. The experience can be incredibly cathartic, offering an outlet to thrash out the stresses of everyday life for a while against a willing adversary, while giving you a hard-core workout in the process. It’s a far cry from the primal combat of boxing however, a crude fight often to semi-consciousness. In fencing, any excess of aggression can even work against you. It’s an arena for controlled and calm precision, a swashbuckling ballet comprising elements of chess brought to life on the electric piste, a sport that encourages perfectionism in technique and application, but also embraces individual style and execution. Ultimately, if you win the point, however ungainly the delivery, you’ll be applauded. You can get caught up in the technicalities, but in practice it’s out-witting your opponent and getting the hit that’s important. A fight to 15 points, as opposed to the death, but just as satisfying and far less messy.

Let’s get this straight: there are two kinds of pole dancing – pole for strippers and pole for exercise.

Thuy Bogart teaches pole from the studio at her bright and airy apartment in Corrientes, and there are no sequins or towering Perspex heels to be seen. “Pole has the potential to be athletic and acrobatic while it also has the potential to be varying degrees of sexy,” she says, when asked about the difference. “I tend to teach it as an exercise form, as this is my aesthetic. However, in the end, it is about love of pole so whatever gets people climbing and inverting is fine by me.” In other words, if you really want to strip, Thuy is going to be the last person to stop you.

With two poles and an unforgiving mirrored wall there’s nowhere to hide as this feisty, bite-sized North American puts your through your paces. If you thought you’d get to strut around with a feather boa think twice: Thuy’s classes are a serious workout, while at the same time – somehow – incredibly fun. Before students are even allowed to touch the pole, a tough warm-up is required, which works the core areas needed to do ‘tricks’ later. Abs, upper arms and inner thighs are soon burning and you wonder how you’ll possibly have any energy to do anything but be propped up, gasping, by the pole.

But the best is yet to come. Thuy usually starts beginners off on the smaller pole (45mm as opposed to 50mm) and the first thing you’ll learn are turns. Think 30 different variations of a fireman wrap. If you’re lucky, she’ll eventually let you try the ‘spinning pole’, where you’ll have to do much less work, but until then it’s a challenge to strike the balance between gripping tightly enough to stay on the pole, but loosely enough to swing around gracefully.

Next is climbing – more difficult than it looks but incredibly rewarding when you finally master it and delightedly touch the ceiling – and then inversions. It’s difficult to explain how good it feels to finally transition between ‘scorpion’ and ‘gemini’, but the rush is definitely more than just the blood going to your head. At the advanced stage, you’ll work on suspended inversions – where the body hangs away from the pole, upside-down – and perfecting your quality of movement (this is where it really starts to look good).

Pole as an exercise form is a relatively new phenomenon, and originally gained popularity in the States, where women bored with the gym wanted something tough and sexy to get them in shape. Studios have popped up in cities all over the world, closely followed by pole organizations, official competitions and, in the UK, even a petition to have pole included in the 2012 Olympics. Nowadays, those who have trained in pole have futures far away from seedy strip bars; world champion Felix Cane, a breathtaking Australian devotee, now works for Cirque du Soleil, and many students have gone on to open their own schools and dance studios.

Those interested in pole should know that inevitably, you will begin with aching limbs, blisters and strange-shaped bruises, but don’t let this put you off. As every one of Thuy’s students will attest, before you know it, you’re undeniably hooked – lying awake at night wondering how to get into a ‘reverse butterfly’ and eyeing up street signs and subte bars wondering if there’s enough room to invert.

At the same time, unbeknown to you (because you’re learning how to smile upside-down) your body is getting tight and toned, as arms pull your entire weight up the pole, abs help to flip you upside-down and thighs hug the steel – who knew body-sculpting could be so much fun?

But the physical benefits are not this unlikely sport’s only attraction. As Thuy points out: “The physical benefits are increased strength, weight loss, and muscle tone. However, the mental benefits, which include increased self esteem, acceptance of one’s body, and a sense of personal accomplishment, are by far more valuable.”

Thuy is the best teacher/cheerleader a prospective pole pro could ask for. She’s encouraging, without being soft; she knows your limits better than you do, so won’t take no for an answer if she knows you can do it; and her background in exercise and fitness means she’s constantly keeping an eye on which muscles you’re working and has a sixth sense for what areas to target and how best to get results.

So what kind of people is perfect for pole?  “In pole classes I’ve taken in both Argentina and the US, and judging from friends I’ve made in the pole community, it seems that there are three types of women who are drawn to pole”, Thuy says. “First, those looking for a great workout away from the gym; Second, moms who are looking to get back in shape after giving birth; and finally, those in the fitness industry who are looking for new and gravity defying challenges.”

All in all, pole is an ingenious way to tone up, the perfect remedy to gym boredom, and probably the best laugh you’ve ever had suspended a few inches from the ceiling.

Spring is here, Buenos Aires is heating up, and everyone is already thinking about where to go in the summer. But how do you shake off the effects of all the Malbecs and milanesas that got you through the winter?

You could join the gym, but then you’ll probably just feel bad for not going. Or you place yourself at the mercy of Katrina Petney and her Boot Camp BA, an outdoor fitness club launched this month.

Eight times a week, Petney, a biochemistry graduate and qualified personal trainer from New Mexico, leads an intense hour-long group training session in the green spaces of Puerto Madero and Palermo. It’s a useful option for people—whether short-term travellers, expats, or locals— who find it difficult to make time to exercise in their schedule. And it’s a great place to combine a work out with a bit of socialising.

Petney, who also co-runs Buena Onda Yoga, tells me that the group classes are not only more fun, but also provide the accountability and motivation that are so hard to maintain when you train alone. “If you go to the gym, you often find yourself getting into a routine—you’re not fully focused and you’re always working the same muscle groups,” she explains. “This way helps you get the benefits in a shorter time”.

Short But Sweet

The structure of each session—8-10 minute bursts of intense activity that work the cardiovascular system and targeted muscle groups—is designed to ensure each person gets the most out of the workout.

In my boot camp debut, after a warm up jog, we alternated between shuttle runs and an exercise that was decided by a deck of cards (the suit and number representing the activity and repetitions, respectively).  A joker, which fate dealt me on two occasions, meant twenty reps each of all four exercises.

This is typical of Petney’s approach, cramming a lot of different exercises into the hour, with the focus rotating between cardio, to lower body, upper body and core. The variation and fast-pace keeps things interesting, while ensuring you train all your muscles.

In between circuits, everyone takes their heart rate to check if they are hitting the optimal range for training (when you sign up you are asked to provide your resting heart rate), adding an element of personalisation to the group session.

Accommodating different fitness levels and physical capabilities is important to Petney: “I don’t want the boot camp to be one-size fits all but tailored to individual needs and with open communication… it is hardcore—you are pushing yourself as far as you can go. But it’s also accessible for whatever fitness level you are at.”

Petney encourages everyone to speak up about any injuries or niggles so that she can provide an alternative exercise that doesn’t strain the weak spot. She also offers a higher impact version of each activity, so that more athletic types are still challenged. And all the while her expert eye is watching to ensure consistent form and alignment.

If is effective? Well, having been forced to do more squats and plank holds than I ever would voluntarily, the day after my boot camp I was aching in parts of the body I’d never used before. If that’s what you are looking for in a work out, and you enjoy being active outdoor, then Boot Camp BA might just be the place for you to kickstart your summer.

Whether you are a hardcore yogi or a curious beginner there is no shortage of yoga classes in Buenos Aires. Walking around Palermo or Barrio Norte, it sometimes feels like you see a studio on every block. But if you want to get in on the action, yet still don’t feel confident following instructions in Spanish, there are now two classes on offer especially for English speakers. Both teach Vinyasa yoga (a style which involves a lot of flowing movement, rather than just standing in poses for minutes on end) and both are given by women from the United States. However, despite their obvious similarities, the tone of the lessons are very different.

Buena Onda yoga is absolutely true to its name: in a beautiful studio, with elements of aromatherapy and a calm, supportive teaching style, it’s an ocean of tranquillity in the middle of Buenos Aires.

YoGO! Saturday Night Yoga Fever also lives up to its title: a fast paced, almost aerobic class, it will get your blood pumping (sometimes to the accompaniment of reggaetón) before you go out on a Saturday night.

Buena Onda Yoga

If you do yoga to relax, then this is a class for you. Taking place in a lovely, wooden-floored studio in Recoleta, it is the perfect way to break up a working week, and give yourself an antidote to all those long journeys crammed into sweaty colectivos or jamming your way onto subte trains.

The class is run by Katie Trigg, a 23-year-old trained contemporary dancer from Wisconsin. She started practicing yoga in university to counteract the strain she suffered from dancing. However, after graduating college she leaned more towards giving yoga classes than working as a dancer, simply because she loved teaching. “I find it really gratifying…seeing someone begin to connect with their body,” she tells me. Her commitment to teaching and calm friendliness really set the tone of the lesson.

The best thing about Katie’s class is that, even though you’re always working on the same postures, it’s never about just going through the motions. Katie will take time to explain the point of the different poses to you, so that you understand what you’re trying to achieve. She will also come round during the lesson and gently correct your posture. With a training in Alexander technique, she has a profound understanding of how muscles and reflexes work, and with a light touch on you shoulder or back, she’s able to trigger your body so that you stretch or twist much further than you ever believed you could. This means that, even though the atmosphere of the class is tranqui, your muscles actually end up doing a lot of work, and you sometimes ache more afterwards than if you’d been doing an hour of running. I’ve been practising yoga more or less regularly over the past two years, and I can say with certainty that I’ve never felt like I’ve improved more than I did after three weeks in this class.

The atmosphere in the studio is intimate, as there are rarely more than seven of eight people in the room at the same time. Katie burns palo santo incense and plays music ranging from Bon Iver to Al Green to Radiohead. As you lie in the final posture, she will sometimes come round and give you a mini-shoulder massage with aromatherapy oils to aid relaxation. Lying on the wooden floor, with the smell of oils and incense, listening to Thom York and the sound of your own breathing, this is the absolute definition of Buena Onda.

What’s more, if you want to take the relaxation experience up a notch, once a month the Buena Onda yoga studio offers a ‘Moon Light’ yoga class. This is an evening of yoga, live music and massage, followed by a vegetarian meal. For $115 it is an incredible combination of the healthy and the decadent.

Katie teaches from 3.30-4.45pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The studio is at Arenales 2096 (corner of Junín). For more information see the website: www.buenaondayoga.com. Classes cost $40 for a drop in class, $20 a class if you subscribe to ten classes over two months. Katie has also recently started teaching classes in her house in Spanish. For more information, visit http://ktyoga.blogspot.com

YoGO! Saturday Night Yoga Fever

YoGO!, taught by 22-year-old Caroline McCann from New Jersey in Arenales Gym, absolutely lives up to its name. Although there is no 70s disco music, it is fast paced, fun and will have you sweating in minutes.

Caroline began teaching yoga in Buenos Aires a few months ago, after originally being certified as a group fitness instructor. She was motivated to switch to teaching yoga classes here because that she thought there was a gap in the market for fast-paced, US-style classes in Argentina: “I went to a few classes here that were basically just lying there the whole time,” she tells me. She had friends from the States who also expressed frustration, saying they wanted “more bang for their buck”. “They’re looking for a real work out,” Caroline tells me, and that’s exactly what she offers.

The atmosphere of the class is fun and sporty and the tone is set by the music Caroline uses, which ranges from the gladiator sound track (this really adds a dramatic element to the warrior poses!) to reggaetón. The choice of music, like the style of the class, is based on what Caroline herself has enjoyed in the past: “Most hard-core yogis say you shouldn’t have music at all, but all the classes I really enjoy have music. Not just chanting, but stuff that I recognise,” she says. However, despite pushing the boundaries of traditional styles, Caroline is also committed to the history of yoga, and still teaches all the stances and sequences that you would expect. “Yoga has existed for hundreds of years, and I think there’s something to be said for it’s long-standing power,” she tells me.

There are usually between 15 and 20 students in the gym, and, in contrast to Buena Onda yoga, which tends to have a lot more female students, here there are both guys and girls. One of the best things about this class is that it’s varied. Caroline will come up with a wholly different routine every week, often focusing on different part of the body, so that you’re always pushing your boundaries in a new area. In every way, she keeps you on your toes.

Caroline teaches on Saturdays from 7–8pm at Arenales Gym, Arenales 2593 (corner of Ecuador). Classes cost $10. For more information see the facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/YoGO-Power-Yoga/248220089418?ref=ts

I am not a gym-bunny. I am probably the opposite of a gym-bunny. A sofa-slug, rather. Likewise, philosophy and I have never really seen inner eye to inner eye. To begin with, I’m okay with it, searching for the meaning of life et al, but then I get so overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities of Why We Are Here and the general impossibility of finding a satisfactory answer that I tend to give up completely and go eat a doughnut. So, naturally, when I came across Diego Melero’s class on ‘Filosofía Política en el Gimnasio’ (Political Philosophy in the Gymnasium) at cultural centre Belleza y Felicidad, I laughed out loud. What would come next? Ice skating and quantum mechanics? Learn Chinese as you walk the dog? Nothing could have been further from my idea of fun, or indeed, sanity. Melero too must have anticipated responses like mine, as he includes on the announcement ‘No es una broma’ (‘This is not a joke’).

Belleza y Felicidad is a small cultural centre on the corner of Fransisco Acuña de Figueroa y Guardia Vieja. The sign is faded, and the windows need cleaning, but inside is colourful and full of interesting knick-knacks. In the main sala there are music shows, poetry readings, birthday parties, celebrations. An artistic library takes up one wall, while a small gallery at the back hosts an exhibit dedicated to the artist Feliciano Centurión. Melero’s class takes place in the downstairs room, where one wall is covered with a rather beautiful mural based around a tree carved from the cracked plaster.

Melero, 47, is a sociology graduate, who has also studied art and design. Today he defines himself as artist, sociologist and part time personal trainer. He gives classes on sociology that concentrate on its connection to contemporary art, and has always been interested in the balance between the two disciplines – ‘exercising the corporal muscles along with the cerebral’.

The title is inspired by the Marquis de Sade’s ‘La Philosophie dans le Boudoir’, and is part of a set of discussion series that Melero has been running since 2002: previous series include ‘Té político’ (Political Tea) and ‘Chocolate Sociológico’ (Sociological Chocolate). ‘La filosofía política en el gimnasio’ has been running since April of this year, and has a core of five students who

come to the classes every week. Every month they choose a different philosopher to read and talk about during the class; they started with a reading of Plato’s ‘Republic’ and then moved on to Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’. At the moment they are reading Marx-Engel’s ‘Communist Party Manifesto’, concentrating on the rise of the social classes and economic philosophy.

The class starts with calf lifts, and as we feel the burn, Melero brings up the subject of the Turkish threats to attack the Kurdish rebels. He likes to base the discussions in the class on everyday topics, to take the broader ideas of political and economic philosophy and apply them to everyday life. He and his students discuss the newspapers and then bring in the ideas from the readings they have been doing. This is useful, especially for beginners, who might not have such a firm grasp on the texts as the other students. Still ever so slightly peculiar to be doing arm raises while chatting about Cristina’s inevitable rise to power, but at least slightly less vapid than discussing soap operas while half-heartedly ‘jogging’ on a treadmill.

We used weights made of water bottles – deceptively heavy, I’ll have you know, press-ups for the chest muscles and the triceps, and leg lifts. Melero occasionally combines the weight exercises with a quick run around the block. Mercifully he chose not to do that on the day that I went – this sofa-slug is not a runner, no way, no how.

Melero prefers to use classical music to accompany his classes. He finds that many of his students have difficulty with technique and less frenetic music helps them to concentrate on this aspect. Indeed, I found the soft strains of Bach a rather lovely, if slightly incongruous, accompaniment to my third round of press-ups. He is a good teacher, always checking that his students are exercising correctly and offering plenty of encouragement; I’ll admit I found his Spanish a little fast at first but once asked to slow down slightly it was much easier.

At this point, a word of warning. If you are not up to scratch with Spanish, this may not be the class for you. Exercise-wise, it is perfectly do-able, even for a committed sofa-slug like myself; and even those of an intermediate level of Spanish will find the class accessible, but concentration is needed. Try to read a newspaper before you go, so you are aware at least of something other than Argentina’s performance in the rugby world cup. I found the class accessible, even for someone with relatively limited Spanish ‘philosophical’ vocabulary, like myself.

For all my original shirking, the concept is not as random as it sounds. For the ancient Greeks, the gymnasium was not just a place to develop the bodily muscles, athletes had to study mathematics and philosophy as well. Melero has a point – a healthy body does mean a healthy mind – how many times have you felt intellectually sluggish at the same time that you feel none-too-perfect physically? Many people find a quick run, a bit of swimming, or simply a walk round the block can help clear the head, release endorphins and ready the mind for more stimulating activity.

Ezequiel Romero, 34, is a writer and artist who regularly attends the classes. He appreciates the chance he gets to combine intellectual activity with physical. He says that since he started attending the classes in April “I’ve found a power that I’ve never known before… it’s more than a class for me, it’s a process. The power of the body aligned with a power of thought.” He started the classes when he quit smoking and wanted to “change my view of the world”.

I confess I am inclined to think there is something ever so slightly indulgent about sitting around discussing philosophy when there is money to be earned, food to be put on the table, wars to be fought. This class at least maintains some sort of balance. Maybe you’re not saving the world while you work your glutes, but you’re doing something proactive, indeed, active, while becoming more aware of the world and the way it works. Exercise for the body and mind? You betcha.

 

La Filosofía Politica en el Gimnasio, by Diego Melero; Tuesdays 5pm, Belleza y Felicidad, Acuña de Figueroa 900, Tel: 4867 0073, http://bellezayfelicidad.com.ar, info@bellezayfelicidad.com.ar

I love Buenos Aires because it’s truly a party city.

However such is my booze intake this weekend that my brain seems to have dehydrated into a small nut, knocking about inside my delicate skull. My eyes are tiny currants trying to retreat away from the light, whilst an ever-tightening clamp grips my temples. My pores are sweating out poison, while from time to time my blurry memory lets loose vague clues to embarrassing things that I may have done during the last few nights’ bender.

While the compulsive reaction to this feeling may be to seek out a big glass of red wine, starting the whole damn cycle all over again, I feel that something completely different may be in order this time.

Bring on Artesano. They are a café, food store, and centre for wellbeing that promises to be able to help you improve your quality of life on all levels – physical, mental and spiritual.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not meant to be rehab, but a place for people who want to live a ‘more healthy and natural life’. The blurb on their menu says: “We are the protagonists. The only ones responsible for our own health are ourselves.”

Having said that, maybe it will also have something to offer those like me who swing violently between the pursuit of wholesomeness, and full-on debauchery?

The tranquil, friendly atmosphere of their café already brings a sense of soothing restfulness – a welcome remedy from the wild activities of the weekend in question.

Artesano’s philosophy begins with the most basic of premises: that we are what we eat. Its food combines whole grains such as rice, quinoa, wheat, mijo and burgol (ahh what are these?), with a range of vegetables that provide vitamins and minerals to put right my neglected body.

Most of the dishes are healthy versions of Argentine classics in the form of tarts, wholemeal empanadas and pizzas. There are also delicious burgers made from grains, and vegetable wok dishes. As for snacks, the wholemeal savoury biscuits were really tasty, and there are a good range of organic cakes. The teas, which include diet and organic options, feel as though they are flushing all the evil out of my system.

Their store selling products from herbs to oils and dietary supplements, along with their classes in nutrition, mean that you can recreate this kind of nourishment in your own home. You can also have their healthy frozen meals delivered to your house (for free if you live within ten blocks of the centre) if you haven’t got time to make them yourself.

The lower floor in this welcoming house is a consultancy where you can see a nutritionist or even a psychologist. However, I’ll wait until I know exactly what I did over the past few nights before I decide whether I really need one of those.

The centre holds a variety of workshops and activities such as yoga, tai chi and group musical activities such as percussion and singing classes. The emphasis with the latter is on creating a beneficial group energy and dynamic, and ‘connecting yourself back to the earth’. Other musical activities include small scale concerts (conciertos intimos) once a month where musicians play instruments such as the didgeridoo and drums, whilst allowing their audience to journey into a trance-like state.

Funny – that sounds like exactly what I was trying to achieve by filling myself full of toxins. This time however I won’t be expecting such a painful follow-up.

I used to think Britain, my native home, was the land of dog lovers. Then I touched down in Buenos Aires.

Someone should lobby to have dogs counted in the population because the streets of Argentina’s capital are filled with the barks, whines, yelps and smells of dogs. And with a large part of the city’s residents occupying large apartment buildings, keeping large breeds content and healthy can be a struggle.

This is why professional dog walkers, or paseaperros, are a common sight on the streets and avenues of the metropolis. Since my arrival in the city I have long wondered how these individuals manage to keep such a multitude – often over 20 at a time – happy and placid when I have trouble with just one mild-mannered German Shepherd at home.

So when I was presented with the opportunity to shadow one of these canine Jedis for a week I rolled over and begged at the chance.

Learning the leashes

Waiting for Fabricio at a quite corner of Belgrano on a chilly Monday morning I was still unsure what to expect. I was also being followed by a US documentary team from Global Transmission Media praying for humiliating footage of a hapless gringo making a fool of himself.

Suddenly the silence was broken by what was going to soon become the familiar sound of rowdy pets as my mentor for the next week arrived. Fabricio, 30, appears with fleece, beanie and sunglasses—not to mention 22 hounds securely attached to a modified climbing harness around his waist.

I step forward into the mealy to shake his hand and am greeted with my first lesson of professional dog walking: watch where you tread. Buenos Aires is notorious for the ubiquitous deposits of foul-smelling excrement which any visitor could hardly have missed.

Whilst scraping my sole against the curb and pondering how remarkably accurate my exclamation of disgust had been, I see my tutor has already scampered at quite a rate across the road.

Here Fabricio explains to me lesson two: keep the dogs moving. “As long as they are in their correct positions in the group and are moving forward that’s half the battle,” he tells me. “When you stop and they get a chance to misbehave you can get into trouble.”

The dogs are all of reasonably large breeds. Labradors, Golden Retrievers and sheepdogs abound as well as one large Rottweiler. Bonzo, Fabricio explains, is the alpha-male of the group. “In every group there tends to be a boss who maintains order amongst the pack. This group has not been together for very long so there are sometimes problems, but I think Bonzo must be their leader.”

My first job arrives as I am handed my first charge, the undoubted runt of the litter, a diminutive speckled Terrier called Lennon. The film crew is delighted with the sight of Fabricio leading 21 dogs along the street followed by a Brit who stands at 1.9m with a single pup so small that he would scarcely have made a gratifying canapé.

[My new responsibility is short-lived, however, when it emerged that we only had a couple of blocks to go before Lennon was safely returned home.]

With the Liverpudlian crooner safely enjoying a well-deserved snooze (Fabricio says the dogs normally sleep for about five hours after their daily dalliance in the sun) we continue on our way.

“The day starts at 7.20am when I begin to pick up all the dogs,” he tells me. “Then by 10am most of the dogs are on board and we walk for around an hour. Then we drop the dogs off in the same order.”

This daily routine involves a little over five hours work with the dogs receiving exactly three hours walking each. The route never changes a great deal and this allows the owners to know exactly what time to expect their pooches collected and returned.

“What if the owners are not around to answer the door?” I enquire, almost getting tangled up in a veritable maypole as I do. Fabricio pulls an immense bunch of keys from a pouch at the small of his back. “I have keys for most of the owners’ houses,” he explains. “If not I’ll take the dog back to my place and leave him there until I can make contact.”

Here the level of trust involved becomes apparent. Dog walking is a respected occupation because dog walkers tend to take their job seriously.

“I have never taken a day off sick in nine years,” Fabricio tells me with pride.

After the remaining pooches were returned to their rightful owners I left Fabricio for the subte ride home. Although I was absolutely exhausted, I had enjoyed the 15km hike. Most of all I was looking forward to the next day and the prospect of gaining control of the whole troop.

Entering the Fray

The next day the dogs seemed a little less chirpy than the previous. “After the weekend they are always energetic after a couple of days rest,” Fabricio explains. “Then they settle down a little.”

“Have you ever been bitten by the dogs?” I inquire with an obvious agenda. Fabricio lifts up his shirt and reveals a number of small scars.

“Very rarely you can get bitten, yes,” he tells me. “The main problem is if the owner treats them in the right way. There are no dangerous breeds of dogs; simply those not trained correctly. Any dog can be dangerous if not handled well.”

Shortly thereafter I get a chance to step into the horde and experience the job firsthand. With the belt securely fastened I set about trying to get the 16 dogs to move in unison whilst not trip over leashes, animals or faeces.

The constant tugging and pulling takes its toll on my lower back and thighs but after a while the pack seems to be moving in an orderly and civilised fashion. I begin to feel quite important surrounded by my own personal militia.

The dogs always walk in the road to evade pedestrians or other animals running out from gardens and spooking the group. Plus this avoids covering the pavement with muck. There is no time to stop so the dogs must just relieve themselves on the move. Normally this involves some rather unceremonious dragging.

Occasionally the dogs change positions or start bickering and need to be handled firmly. “If any trouble starts you need to stamp it out immediately,” Fabricio advises. “If one dog acts up they can set off the others very quickly.”

I ask Fabricio why he became a dog walker. “I started off just helping out a friend,” he recalls. “Then I really took to it. I earn twice as much doing this than as a photo journalist, which is what I studied at university. Plus I only have to work five hours a day from Monday to Friday.”

Many different professionals have found it more profitable to walk dogs than their original careers. “I charge around $100 a month to each client,” Fabricio tells me. “I now have a friend helping me by taking some of my dogs. People see me in the street and that I am responsible; that’s how I get my clients. Or I am recommended by other customers.

“I know fully qualified vets that have taken up dog walking to make more money,” he says. “Two years ago my friend was earning only $5 an hour as a vet, that’s just $1 more than the guy that washes the dogs!”

We pause as Fabricio delivers another pet to its home. My charges seem unusually quiet until I look around and see an act of fornication very much in progress. Feeling very prudish I separate the pair but Bonzo appears to disapprove. He must have a voyeuristic side to his character.

I have never been very intimidated by dogs. However, when a Rottweiler that looks like he could chase a brown bear up a tree starts growling, I tend to take note—especially when he is tied to my waist. Thankfully he is eventually placated and we continue onwards without any more problems.

A Change of Careers?

The life of a dog walker is certainly attractive. Occasionally the job can become quite stressful when there is traffic to be negotiated. The added obstacles of level-crossings, children, prams, other dogs and elderly pedestrians demand constant vigilance.

Despite this, the days continued relatively free of problems. The exercise is certainly vigorous and maintaining order can be difficult, especially when the females are in heat.

As well as walking the dogs, we also delivered them to the professional groomers and kept an eye on their health. Sometimes they emerged looking so dashing I began to feel quite self-conscious. Once I even went home and had a shave.

Certainly I could imagine taking up the job full time. Fresh air, exercise and friendly companionship are always attractive. Gringo Dog Walkers Inc., perhaps?