It’s Friday, people!

And I have great news: I’m still here!

I know that last week I may have suggested that the local Government was en route to arrest me for considering me an enemy of the state due to my treacherous citizenship and was planning to ship me off to the Argentine Guantanamo, but it turns out it was all a huge misunderstanding! (Basically, I made it all up.)

So, what else is new? Oh, right. The Fall is basically extinct, and in further evidence that Argentina is approaching a “tropical country” status largely due to climate change, last week we went to bed while enjoying a warm, summer night and woke up the next morning freezing to death. I’m not kidding, this week it was actually colder in some areas of Argentina than in Antarctica.

So hurry up, my fellow hibernation enthusiasts, and learn the facts before we’re all encased in ice for the rest of eternity under half a kilometer of snow.

This is what you need to know:

• 

  In a distant past (2010) people would stride great lengths and travel en masse to the International Book Fair just to catch a glimpse of the so-called "books." Now everyone's hooked on e-books, so no one gives a shit. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  The Argentine Senate has preliminary approved the YPF expropriation bill, which is now headed to the Lower House floor. Lawmakers believe the bill could be finally passed next Wednesday, unless NATO bombs us first.

•  Still, it seems my country (Spain) will have to swallow its words and find a different approach to the whole YPF controversy. After what started as a grim warning of how terrible Argentina’s decision to expropriate the oil company was, the outrage seemed to fade out as the week progressed and the Spanish government found that pretty much no one was willing to join the administration’s plans to bomb Buenos Aires. International organizations such as the IMF and the World Bank, as well as the European Union and the US feigned disappointment and indignation for a couple of minutes, but then swiftly washed their hands from the whole thing by calling it a “bilateral issue.” Sure, the European Commission has warned that Argentina’s decision will have “dire consequences” for the population’s future, but there’s not much more they can do. Except bomb us.

• I’m done with this YPF thing for today, I promise. Although don’t get too excited. Malvinas is coming up next.

• The brand new Argentine ambassador in London, Alicia Castro, first published an interesting op-ed on Malvinas (See? I told you) in the conservative British newspaper The Telegraph, which caused the faces of all its readers to melt, Indiana Jones-style. She then formally presented the UK government with a proposal to restore commercial flights between the Malvinas Islands and Buenos Aires, as a friendly gesture. Then the islanders said no, which sucks because I was really hoping to score me some low-cost tickets for one of these long weekends. Think about it, the Malvinas could be a great place to celebrate Spring Break. British pubs, the sea and lots and lots of penguins. It doesn’t get any better than that. Come on, islanders!

• If you are a passionate follower of President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, chances are: a) You hate me for being “anti-Kirchnerite” (even though I’m not), and b) You’re not reading this before you’re heading over to the Vélez stadium in Liniers to attend the Cristina-palooza that is taking place today at 6 pm! (You’ve probably seen the posters while walking down the street, summoning everyone to go show their support for the President). And if you’re wondering what the hoopla is all about, what big announcement she’s going to make, this is the best part: it’s about nothing. You know, like Seinfeld. No, seriously. The whole point of the rally is to have a stadium full of people calling her name, while she gives an impassioned speech showing how strong she is. That way she can persuade NATO from bombing us all next Wednesday.

• If you’re wondering why the Subte has been going on strike almost everyday lately, here is why (not that you care). Long story short, since the whole subway system is a ticking time bomb on the verge of collapse and neither the National nor the City governments want to take care of it, the Subte employees are selflessly trying to raise awareness about how unprotected us passengers are, while putting their entire careers at risk over charges of insubordination.  Also, they want more money.

• Great news everyone! You know when you’re standing in the immigration line to enter/leave Argentina at the Ezeiza airport and you realize you didn’t bring a pen with you so you can’t fill out those pesky immigration forms? Well, not to worry because as of now the Government has finally implemented the new digital terminals with a biometric system. How exotic and 21st century of yours, Argentina! It’s almost like in the US! (Without the paranoia).

• Terrible news everyone! You know when you’re standing in the luggage belt after landing at the Ezeiza airport (don’t make me link to Wikipedia again) and you realize your suitcases have been ripped open and someone has stolen your Toblerones, your iPod, your iPad, your iLaptop or whatever and your digital camera because you were dumb enough to put them in your suitcase instead of carrying them with you? Well, it is still happening (which you should have guessed since I started this bullet point by saying “Terrible news everyone!”).  The Ezeiza airport police arrested 15 employees this week who were found responsible of stealing hundreds of items from careless travelers in the last couple of years. So remember that next time you send off your blackberry in a giant suitcase because you can’t be bothered to carry it.

• I guess being afraid of having your stuff stolen somewhat counts as being paranoid, so there! The local airport experience is now just like in the US.

• Argentina, you’re on (technologically speaking) fire! Since apparently the biometric system at the airport was not enough to make us look cool, now taxis will gradually begin offering passengers the possibility of paying with a credit or debit card. Fancy! So far only “15 or 20 taxis” have been provided with a wireless card reader in order to test the new methodology and “see what happens.” Really? “See what happens”? What could happen? You pay and you get out of the car! Am I missing something here? Whatever. Good luck catching one of those “15 or 20″ taxis in a city of three million people.

• Have you visited the International Book Fair in Plaza Italia yet? Why not? Never mind.

• Well if you had been there on opening day, you would have witnessed the hilariously tragic crossfire between Education Minister Alberto Sileoni and the City’s Culture Minister Hernán Lombardi (I know you didn’t click on any of those links, by the way). You see, since both of them were asked to give a speech at the opening ceremony, Lombardi (at odds with Cristina) seized the opportunity to attack the National Government for last month’s “ban on books” fiasco. Sileoni, of course, pretty much told him to fuck off while the audience booed and clapped and stuff. All in the name of education and culture, people.

• [ADDENDUM] Jesus, people! OK, I get it. I got like 15 emails from you and one guy even complained about it below. There are no “boos” to be heard in the Feria del Libro video, even though they existed. Sorry I gave you hope on some “boos” everyone! And if you still need to satisfy your blood lust, here’s a video from a couple of years ago when Cuban dissident Hilda Molina presented her book at the fair and leftist groups decided to crash her event and ruin it, all in the name of freedom of speech. Now fuck off.

• Oops! Back in 2008,  58 Pre-Columbian artifacts dating from 500
  

  Hotel Eden. Nazis welcome. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  to 1000AD, with a cumulative value estimated at around US$ 700,000, were mysteriously stolen from the Ambato Museum in La Falda, Córdoba. How exciting and Hollywoodesque, right? Even more intriguing, the Ambato Museum is located inside the creepy Hotel Eden, a mythical place that once hosted Che Guevara and Albert Einstein. What’s worse, according to historians, its owners were staunch Adolf Hitler supporters (no surprise there) and had personally offered their hotel as a hideout to the fuhrer in case things didn’t go as planned after World War II. How awesome is this story, huh? You’ve got the fifth Indiana Jones movie right here. The script is writing itself! But alas, it turns out it wasn’t the Neo-Nazis trying to revive Hitler and Che Guevara by casting some ancient indigenous spell only described in one of the stolen artifacts. Nah, that’s too contrived. They were actually in the hands of a City Government official who moonlights as an art collector, obviously. The guy has claimed that he purchased the items “in good faith” and that he had no idea that they were stolen, while City Hall has denied that the guy was working for them. Whatever the case may be, it’s a thousand times less exciting than the possibility of a fight to the death between zombie Hitler and zombie Che Guevara while the fate of humanity hangs in the balance.

• I know, I have issues. Leave me alone.

•  This week, in “The Football“: TRAGEDY! In an unexpected turn of events that has the global scientific community at a loss, infallible, human-like deity Lionel Messi failed to score against the Chelsea this week, triggering an unstoppable chain of events that has ended in the shaming and collapse of Spain as a sports legend worldwide. And we all know what this means. THIS. That’s it, folks. Messi is now officially on the way down. Sure, he reached the pinnacle of his almighty glory these last few years, but deep down we all knew he wouldn’t be able to keep this charade up for long. Now, I don’t know much about football (that’s why every week I keep feeding you inaccurate information when it comes to games, and teams and players and shit. It’s not that I fail at gathering the correct information. I just don’t care about getting it), but one thing is clear: when you fail once, the deep scrutinizing begins. “Is something wrong with him?” or  ”Messi hits rock bottom!” are some of the statements coming from the pundits who allegedly know what they’re talking about. So now it’s only a matter of time before he gives in to cocaine, alcohol and prostitutes (you know, like a certain someone) and he ends up in a distant outpost in the Middle East while engaging in mischief and tomfoolery largely due to cultural differences (you know, like a certain someone).

• You thought I was going to compare him to Diego Maradona, didn’t you? Please, like I’m that predictable.

• Oh, shit: The local press is saying that Lionel Messi’s girlfriend is pregnant. And so the collapse of an idol begins.

• Erik Lamela (someone I never heard of before but apparently used to play for River Plate so I guess he was kind of important), has having some sort of a kerfuffle with another player and decided to settle their argument by spitting on him. So here’s the video, which is totally disappointing because you can see him pursing his lips but you cannot see the actual spit. And let’s face it, that’s the only reason why you would click on that link in the first place. Still, Spitgate was so big this week that I decided to mention it, just to keep you in the loop. Because I know you don’t give a shit about Cristina’s speech today. But the spit incident? You have to know all about that!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

A network of three, twice-weekly fairs hosted just outside of Buenos Aires, La Salada has been referred to as both South America’s biggest mall and as its biggest black market. But for the 20,000 shoppers who flood this famous feria every Tuesday and Sunday, these distinctions are of little importance: La Salada is simply where they go to do their shopping.

La Salada raked in $15bn in 2009 alone, more than the $8.5bn earned by the country’s regular shopping centres combined, according to the government statistic agency INDEC.

Run by three worker’s collectives – Punta Mogote, Urkupiña, and Ocean – La Salada’s success is based largely on its ability to undercut standard prices on items ranging from clothing to food to DVDs.

“When the crisis happened, people were more careful with their money, and so people came here more,” said Jorge Castillo, administrator of Punta Mogote. “We have much more consumption by the people who come for the lower prices.”

Stall operators usually produce their own merchandise in nearby workshops, or buy items from local manufacturers.

Lidia Maza, 53, designs and creates a line of women’s clothing in a house nearby the feria, which is located in the suburb Lomas de Zamora.

“I wanted to try to see if I could be clothing maker,” she said, describing her customers as people who live in Argentina’s interior provinces.

Many stalls items that appear to be knock-offs of international brands like Ray-Ban, Dolce and Gabana, and Adidas, as well as countless pirated DVDs. The European Union called La Salada “an emblem of illegal trade”.

Castillo admits that falsified brands are a problem, but he insisted that only 10 to 20 percent of merchandise at Punta Mogote is pirated.

“Most people do not want problems, so they sell their own brands,” he said.

But walking around the market, knock-off merchandise is abundant. Raids by government anti-piracy forces have occurred in the past, and stall operators had different explanations for how they avoid trouble.

Anderson Cherres, a 31-year-old who has been selling stuffed animals at La Salada for 10 years, said that while his merchandise resembles popular cartoons like Pepe the Frog, Tigger (from Winnie the Pooh), and the Pink Panther, the plush toys are not explicitly labeled as such.

Olga Subelsa, who works at a clothing stand that sells products baring the Nike logo, said that she is not involved in the items’ production. “Other people make them, and they bring them to us,” she said.

Regardless of the authenticity of the merchandise, it is clear that the three markets have provided many with the opportunity to earn a living. La Salada employs about 6,000 people, including security, maintenance, and administrative staffs, in addition to the owners and operators of the markets’ 30,000 stalls.

“Thanks to La Salada, there is a lot more work,” said Mónica Sambad, who operates a successful clothing stall under the name “Barby Pop”. Referred to as the “Queen of La Salada”, Sambad has become a favourite of the Argentine media, attracting coverage as much for her conspicuous plastic surgery – swelling chest, puffy lips, flat-ironed platinum hair – as for the clothing she designs and sells. “With this, I live. I take care of my kids. I bought my house. I have two cars.”

The markets also provide resources for those who cannot afford department store prices.

“This is more the people who have fewer resources, for the middle class,” said Hernán, a security guard who refused to give his last name.

Long-distance buses bring shoppers to Argentina’s most famous feria from interior provinces and neighbouring countries like Uruguay and Paraguay. Many own stores in other parts of the country, and come on Sundays to buy in bulk to bring the merchandise back home.

“A lot more people can afford to buy clothing,” said Sambad. “This is a mall for more humble people.”

Trendy shirts range from 5 to 20 pesos. Sunglasses go for 5 to 15.

“There was the EU statement that talked about how this is the most illegal market in the world, but those guys wear a sweater that was made by a kid who is 8 to 9 or 12 in Central America, and they pay 200 dollars for it,” said Castillo. “But people here, they cannot pay 200 dollars for a sweater. What matters to these people is that they can buy their clothing.”

La Salada’s growth in recent years has been exponential. The markets’ origins date back to 1991, when 45 Bolivian immigrants opened a series of stalls on the dilapidated grounds of a swimming pool park that had seen its prime during the Perón years. The workers formed a cooperative that eventually split into today’s three fairs.

Today, 60% of stalls are operated by Bolivians, 30% by Argentines, and 10% by other immigrants, according to Castillo. The number of stalls grew by 30% between 2008 and 2009 in Punta Mogote alone.

Punta Mogote recently debuted a website to sell merchandise online, and has plans to create a hotel/shopping/entertainment/casino complex in the capital that would be 7,100 metres squared.

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of La Salada is its hours of operation. Currently, the fairs are open from Tuesday at 1pm to early Wednesday morning and on Sundays from 3am until late morning.

A number of explanations exist for this schedule. Hernán, the security guard, blamed the heat: customers would swelter in the jam-packed aisles between stalls in the middle of day. Castillo attributed the hours to the schedule of shoppers who have to commute.

Tuesday’s opening hours were recently moved up based on consumer demand.

“They [the hours] changed because the people were coming earlier,” Castillo said. “If we were not open, they would be selling on the street, not in La Salada.”

“Hundreds of stalwart, hard-working men and women, young and not-so-young, who year in and year out give unselfishly of their time and their resources to help create in one or other of a dozen different ways the funds that are essential for the Argentine-British Community in Argentina.”

This is how the Argentine British Community Council (ABCC) describes its members. The ABCC is an organisation set up in 1939 to “promote the welfare of the Argentine British Community”, to support those of its members who need help, and to uphold British values. In order to do this it runs a variety of fund-raising events, from garden fairs to curry nights. The main beneficiaries are the elderly, most importantly the British American Benevolent fund, a care home for retirees, the Royal British Legion Benevolent Fund and the British Hospital.

The ABCC is a slightly peculiar organisation: it feels something like an Argentine version of the Women’s Institute, maintaining values (and using language) which appear to fit more with the UK in the 1950s than the country today. The organisation’s concept of Britishness sometimes seems to be a far cry from how most Brits living at home perceive their own society: with garden fetes and groups of ladies who get together to make jam it is more like a parody of an Enid Blyton book than a reflection of modern Britain. It also has a strong dose of conservatism, and a mixed attitude to its colonial past. But despite this, there is no doubt that it continues to be a dynamic organisation that does outstanding work in the community.

What do you mean “British”?

“Although I’m Argentine I have been brought up more British than the British… I think that there are certain values that, even if I were brought up in England, wouldn’t be what they are here, because they’re not as contaminated.”

These are the words of Marian Bell, third generation British immigrant to Argentina and entertainment officer for the Argentine British Community Council. She describes how her parents raised her according to their memories of home, in a way that “I thought was ‘British’ but is no longer”. Marian describes her version of Britishness as a sort of combination between polite behaviour and organisation: “being on time, being courteous, being helpful, being thoughtful, saying thank you, saying please… At home we help out, we sit and have dinner together, we don’t scream and shout.” The ABCC’s website takes a similar view of Britishness, describing its own work in the community as “a truly magnificent example of teamwork and that selfless desire to help others which is a British tradition.”

The description is perhaps in contrast to how the majority of Brits living in Britain see themselves. A survey by The Times in 2005 invited readers to create a five-word-long motto that summed up the nations values and the winning entry was “No motto please, we’re British”. Other submissions ranged from “we apologise for the inconvenience” to “we strive for valiant defeat”.

The ABCC doesn’t have any of this trademark cynicism. On the contrary, the organisation has a relentlessly chirpy outlook and places emphasis on the importance of a “can do attitude”. While the idea that values at home have been “contaminated” is questionable and although Britain’s stubborn grumpiness is (in my opinion) one of its most attractive qualities, there is no doubt that the ABCC’s outlook makes it easier to get things done.

Brits in Argentina – ups and downs

As you would expect, the ABCC is very much rooted in the history of the British in Argentina. The story of the relationship between the two countries is long, but has not always been easy. During the 19th century Britain bought raw materials from Argentina on a massive scale, exported them back home to be processed by British industry, and then, in many cases, sold the finished products back to Argentina, profiting greatly in the process. A few people, both British and Argentine, became fabulously rich from the arrangement. However, in most cases the immigrants and Argentine workers who did much of the labour didn’t share in the wealth.

When Perón came to power in the 40s on the back of a strong nationalist ideology, he broke relations with the British, who were associated purely with rich oligarchs and colonialists. During this time, when Argentine nationalism was particularly strong, Marian recalls “we did not speak English in public” for fear of social repercussions.

This history of conflict between the two countries has perhaps led to a certain defensiveness in the way the ABCC views its own British identity. When Marian describes her own particular blend of Britishness in Argentina she is unapologetic in telling me: “If I say that it’s better, I think it is.” Quite the opposite of expressing any colonial guilt, the community is very firm about celebrating the achievements of Britain in Argentina. Terry Chapman, outgoing entertainment officer, and longstanding member of the ABCC tells me “I’m very proud of what we have done with the community here… Go to St Andrews cathedral in town, go to St John’s cathedral in Buenos Aires and you’ll realise what beauty there is in that, those buildings.”

This defensiveness regarding British heritage in Argentina is perhaps easier to understand when you hear about the difficult experiences many British immigrants have had here. During the Falklands/Malvinas war, when relations were at their lowest ebb, life for British people in the country was hard. Marian describes how “people were cross with us. It doesn’t matter if we built the country, helped build the country, are part of the country. It doesn’t matter. As far as they’re concerned, it’s your fellow friends who are invading our property.” As a result of the tension her whole family left Argentina. Today, she describes living between two cultures as a difficult mix: “I’m not a foreigner, I’m a local. But yet, I am a foreigner.”

Terry had an equally damaging experience during the war: her son, who was Argentine born, but English speaking and with an English name, was conscripted into the Argentine navy. Although he was willing to serve he could not get on with his petty officers, who harassed him because of his English background. After getting into a fight with some of them, he was sent to jail, where he spent the whole of the conflict, although afterwards he was fully acquitted.

However, it has to be said that the community does not dwell on the problems of the past, and is now at pains to stress how it works with Argentina to the benefit of both communities. Events for the ABCC are held in both English and Spanish, and part of the organisation’s mission statement is to strengthen “the links between the Community and the country”. Terry describes how the ABCC is dedicated to “mixing the best of two worlds. We’re mixing the culture with the kindness and the affection and fun of the Argentines.”

A modern, British family

Today the ABCC mostly functions as a charity and welfare organisation. The community regularly organises events, ranging from fêtes and car boot sales, to curry nights and quizzes, both to raise money and to give the community regular opportunities to meet and bond. Marian stresses: “It’s not just a money making venture. It’s hand and hand with community building.” A fair held last weekend at the British embassy certainly proved this: over 1,400 people turned up, ranging from tiny babies to the elderly and everything in between. Speaking a mixture of English and Spanish, the groups of people milling around were lively and happy to be there.

The atmosphere of the fête seemed to say a lot about the organisation; it was almost exactly like a British school fair transplanted in Argentina, complete with tin can shies, tombolas, bric-a-brac sales, fair-ground games and a bouncy castle. However, it still contained an Argentine twist in the form of an excellent asado with choripán and chimichurri. What’s more, you could see a little element of the confused, post-colonial status of the organisation. There was a game called ‘treasure island’ which featured maps of islands from around the world, including Haiti and Hawaii, with the flags of different countries stuck into them. You could pay to select a flag, and if you were lucky, the number on the bottom would correspond to a prize. This perhaps seemed like a bit of an unfortunate choice (and a cruel parody of the Argentine label for the British “piratas”), but when we asked the old ladies who ran the stall, it genuinely seemed to have been conceived in all innocence.

Most of the money raised by the events is shared out by three organisations: BABS, a care home for the elderly, the British Legion and the British Hospital. Perhaps what is most special about the ABCC is the way it doesn’t just hand money out, but actively fosters care and support within the community. Marian and Terry both emphasise the importance of integrating generations, involving the youth, while creating respect for the elderly. “It’s good to listen to the elders…especially when we talk sense!” Terry tells me.

More importantly, reciprocity is the most important element of the charity work: Marian describes telling the residents BABS “we are supporting you but, hello, you can give as a hand. And we would like to see you and know who you are that we’re supporting.” This has two main results: firstly everyone knows exactly where their money is going, and secondly; the beneficiaries of the ABCC get more than people’s cash, they also get their company.

To me, this aspect of supporting the elderly and involving them in the community seems different from Britain in a wholly positive way. Whereas on the other side of the Atlantic scandals are constantly surfacing about abuse and neglect in hospitals and care homes, the ABCC seems like a wonderful example of different generations of a community coming together and supporting one another. Colonial history and Enid Blyton aside, today this is an organisation that is all about family.

For more information about the ABCC and about upcoming events see their website: www.abcc.org.ar