Tag Archive | "lady"

Weekly News Roundup, November 16th


It’s Friday again!

And I’m back in Buenos Aires, although don’t expect me to be up to speed with everything that happened last week because I couldn’t care less was on vacation and tried to stay away from all this negative crap as much as I could.

You know how it is.

Also, I apologize for the many, many typos in last week’s column. I was writing from a cell phone and stealing WiFi from an Apple store while I ate a tuna sandwich. It was not a pleasant sight, I tell you.

You know how it is.

Anyway, let’s find out together about everything that happened this week and like our Facebook page so you can keep up to date with what goes on in Argentina.

This is what you (and I) need to know:

  • When asked about a potential price increase in the subway fare, he replied that we shouldn’t rush to conclusions, which means it’s totally happening.
  • OH MY GOD THIS IS HILARIOUS! The Espora corvette is officially stuck in South Africa! You see, the whole thing is falling apart and the crew needs to cover some holes (it would appear those corks were not as resistant as previously thought), but the brilliant technicians tasked with the repair work are claiming Argentina still owes them money from some previous work and this time they are not falling for it. Pay up, Argentina, you deadbeat!
  • Because the average movie goer/voter’s infatuation with former President Néstor Kirchner is far from over,  now you can go to the movies and enjoy his face on a giant screen in a film that will certainly not win any awards in the “Original Title” category. “Néstor Kirchner” The Movie opens this next weekend in order to launch the former Head of State into the mythical encyclopedia of awesome, and probably supernatural, presidents, which also includes Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Il. Although in all fairness, the North Korean leader’s death announcement on TV was much more dramatic.
  • I can totally see his father sitting in front of the TV going: “I HAVE NO SON!”
  • Also, my favorite part of that video is when host Anabella Ascar talks about  how acceptance has become such a thing that even Oprah (pronounced OFRA, according to her) is successful “despite being black and fat”. No, yeah. She really said that.
  • That’s it, that’s the joke.
  • OH MY GOD are you excited about seeing Coldplaynext year? Are you

    "Fuck you, fans!" (Photo/Wikipedia)

    hyperventilating, buying their posters and quietly listening to Fix You while you cut yourself in bed? Too bad, they are not coming.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrbono@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

And don’t forget to like the Weekly News Roundup on Facebook, so we don’t have to keep fucking reminding you about this every Friday.

Posted in Thoughts of a ForeignerComments (0)

Weekly News Roundup, February 3rd.


It’s Friday again!

And I’m mortified to say that this may be our last Weekly News Roundup ever, since the way things are going it’s very probable that in a few days Buenos Aires will be replaced by a highly radioactive wasteland after a British nuke goes off somewhere in the City, the result of David Cameron’s unilateral escalation of the Malvinas / Falklands sovereignty conflict.

Haha, I’m kidding of course!

However, don’t tell your mother about these jokes because you know how parents react to all this. You make a joke about war and they start freaking out, yelling at you for abandoning the comfort of your first-world lifestyle to leave for “Argelina or one of those countries near Brazil” (“Brazil” being the only country they more or less know how to locate on a map of South America. Yeah, that’s right, it’s always Brazil. It’s not Colombia, it’s not Paraguay and God knows it’s not Guyana, a country that even I thought was in Africa for several years. I know it. You know it. We all know it.)

Deal with it.

This is what you need to know:

  • Prince William. His country may have nuclear weapons and rule the Malvinas, but he's going bald and there's nothing he can do about that. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    Since apparently Mr. Cameron is dealing with some troubles at home he needs to divert attention and find a cause that will fire up the population. And what better way of doing that than appealing to the most primal of stupid nationalism? And while Argentina keeps saying “let’s talk about how those islands should belong to us,” the British government replies “Oh my God, invasion!!” So in order to protect the Malvinas/Falklands from a certain non-invasion and bring all of us closer to war, Great Britain has:

  • 1) Decided it would be a great idea to send the HMS Dauntless to the islands in order to protect them from Argentina’s non-invasion. Despite its totally gay name, the Dauntless is a powerful anti-air destroyer capable of shooting down Argentina’s non-existing air force. Of course the British government said it was just “routine,” but we all know what that means.
  • 2) In addition to that impressive warship, they also thought it would be smart to deploy to the islands none other than Prince William himself, who I’m sure is thrilled to have to stay at some barren, windy outpost north of nowhere for six weeks. I can totally see him, scotch in hand, going “What the fuck am I doing here?” and such. Of course the British government said it was just “routine,” but we all know what that means.
  • 3) As if that were not enough, Meryl Streep‘s latest film, “The Iron Lady,” which depicts the life of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and focuses somewhat on the 1982 war between England and Argentina, opened yesterday and now everyone is depressed because it reminds them of that drunken military president who went to war with the UK because he needed to rally the country’s population behind some random cause to retain power. So I would suggest you avoid the issue altogether unless you wanna get punched in the face.
  • أخبار عظيمة للجميع! (That’s supposed to be “Great news, everyone!” in Arabic according to Google Translate. It should have been in Farsi, but the option is not available so fuck it.) Inhuman rights champion and President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmedinejad officially launched last Tuesday a new Spanish news network which he expects will present “the cultural reality of Iran, the Middle East and Latin America.” In a very contrived Spanish, good old Mahmoud said: “Death to America!”Viva España! Viva America Latina!” That’s great Mr. President! And you know, his administration is changing after all. A few years ago they would stone women to death, but now they “kinda call off the whole stoning thing.” A few years ago they would also execute the gays just for being gay, but now they have no more gays! They must have cured them or something. Right? Right?? Also, I’m pretty sure he was high when he made that video.
  • Did you enjoy that overrated French movie, Amelie? Did you also enjoy that clearly underrated masterpiece The Da Vinci Code but are too ashamed to admit it? In both cases you probably enjoyed Audrey Tautou‘s performance. So if you care to get her autograph, you should know that she’s loose in San Telmo right now, according to every media outlet in the country. Yeah, that’s right. This is news, for some reason.
  • Your dream has come true: Facebook Buenos Aires is now hiring! Too bad your resume is a million light years away from the kind of resume they’re looking for. Oh well. Pizza Hut and KFC are about to open in BA too and they will probably be looking for some “driven, outgoing individuals interested in workin in a fun, exciting environment.” Just saying.
  • Mother Nature must have been pissed this week, because she’s been coming down hard on us humans.  A freak storm was unleashed over Córdoba city, catching everyone by surprise. Two people were killed, more than a dozen were injured and hundreds had to be evacuated.
  • Are you one of the million people who listened to my advice last week and stood in line for five hours under the sun/rain in order to get your SUBE card before the February 10 deadline? Well, like I’ve said a thousand times before, you should never listen to me. Because this week the Government set up a web site where people can order it online and get it in the comfort of their homes. No waiting. Sorry!
  • Yeah, I know I just said you should never listen to me, but trust me on this one.
  • Rive Plate played against Boca Juniors again in the “second part” of that fake Superclásico that the AFA pulled out of its ass in order to make more money. River Plate lost again. The AFA won again. You lost again.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

Posted in Thoughts of a ForeignerComments (4)


Follow us on Twitter
Visit us on Facebook
View us on YouTube

On the 4th anniversary of the death of former president Néstor Kirchner, we revisit Marc Rogers' 2011 article analysing his legacy.

    Directory Pick

Magdalena's Party in Palermo

Magdalena’s Party has daily 2 x 1 Happy Hour specials til midnight, and the "best onda".
Sign up to The Indy newsletter