CFK bunker, presidential primary by CateIncBA, on Flickr

The British Media have reacted to President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner’s request for Pope Francis to mediate in the Falklands/Malvinas sovereignty dispute, with many newspapers criticising Argentina’s president.

“Shameless: Argentina president asks for Falklands help from Pope who was once her sworn enemy,” was how the Daily Mail described President’s requests. The article goes on to call her “two-faced” for having “made a fawning plea to Pope Francis over the Falklands.”

The Times stated, “Argentina presses Pope over future of Falklands” after having “officially asked” the Pope “to help launch talks with Britain on the sovereignty of the Falklands.”

The Independent was also not short of an opinion, “Despite having a patchy relationship with the former Archbishop of Buenos Aires, Cristina Kirchner said she asked for his intercession to “facilitate dialogue,” the newspaper wrote.

“Hot-headed” for asking “about the islands despite Falklanders only last week voting 99.8% in favour of staying British,” was the take of The Sun.

Senator Daniel Filmus of Frente para la Victoria (FpV) condemned the British press’ pessimistic reaction by arguing that “it is flippant to criticise the mediation request, because this is a bilateral issue and they refuse to engage in bilateral dialogue.”

West Point, Falklands/Malvinas Islands (Photo: Rogerio Tomazela on Flickr)

On Monday night, residents of the Falklands/Malvinas islands held a referendum and voted, by an overwhelming majority of 98.8%, to express their desire to remain a British overseas territory. Only three voters filed a negative ballot, and 92% of Falklands/Malvinas voters participated in the referendum.

The islanders held celebrations following the decisive result, singing ‘Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina’, ‘God Save the Queen’ and Rod Stewart’s ‘I Am Sailing’, as well as flying the UK flag.

The Argentine government did not recognise the referendum, declaring it an illegal meeting. On Friday, a group of senators requested a special congressional hearing to make a declaration against the Falklands/Malvinas vote.

“The referendum this weekend is a new political action of an advertising nature concocted by the UK,” said Daniel Filmus, head of the Foreign Relations Committee. “This publicity stunt has no validity under international law.”

The Argentine government’s refusal to acknowledge the vote, combined with the fact that the outcome was widely expected, will limit the impact of the referendum on the sovereignty debate. However, this is the first time the issue of sovereignty has been put to an official vote by the Falklands/Malvinas inhabitants.

The UK now hopes to convince the US to alter its stance on the issue from neutral to pro-UK behind the argument of self-determination. The Argentine government has rejected the self-determination stance because, it argues, self-determination cannot be used by the islanders because they originally colonised the land.

The Argentine navy yesterday reported that the missile destroyer ARA ‘Santísima Trinidad’ which participated in the 1982 Falklands/Malvinas war is leaning to port and in danger of sinking.

On Monday morning, officials found the war ship propped against a fishing boat at its mooring in the Puerto Belgrano Naval Base. A statement said that the vessel “presented a heel to port due to a breakdown in the hull” after “a six inches tear that led to the entrance of a significant amount of water”.

The navy declared that “the situation remains under control, and we’ll work in order to stabilise its buoyancy”.

The ‘Santísima Trinidad’ was branded as being in a stage of “temporary recess” in 2000, before being definitively decommissioned in 2004. After the ship was retired, a small crew remained on board to act as guards and maintain the destroyer.

“Given the volume of water and the limited bail capacity the personnel working on board was sent ashore,” said officials.

In 1982, the ‘Santísima Trinidad’ was involved in the Falklands/Malvinas War. It transported Argentine commandoes that attempted to invade and capture the islands.

It’s 2013 Friday again!

Happy new year, by the way, and I hope you missed me these last two weeks, even though I’m sure right now you’re going “There was no Weekly News Roundup for two weeks? Huh. I guess I didn’t notice.”

Well, I don’t care. I didn’t miss you either. I spent the first week of the year doing absolutely nothing, sitting on the beach re-reading The Catcher in the Rye and giggling like an idiot at the Grumpy Cat, the best internet phenomenon to slap the world in the face since “All your bases are belong to us“.

But enough talking about you and your uneventful Punta del Este / home-for-the-holidays anecdotes. Admit it: you’re glad you’re back in Argentina. You missed it like crazy. You missed its chaos, you missed its people, you missed its intoxicating deliriums of grandeur.

And most of all, you missed the sheer ridiculousness of our 24 hours news cycle.

Unless you never left, of course.

In a nutshell, this is what happened in the last two weeks (use this soundtrack for a more sensorial experience).

• 2012 was replaced by 2013, which I’m sure you already knew.

• The Subte fare is going up to $3.50. Yes, $3.50. Deal with it.

• Our beloved Frigate Libertad returned home and we all cried tears of joy at the sight of those proud sailors and the street vendors’ blatant displays of cheap nationalism.

• Lionel Messi got his fourth Ballon D’Or. I didn’t even know he had one. Actually, I didn’t even know what a Ballon D’Or was.

• British tabloid “The Sun” ran a full-page ad on the Buenos Aires Herald telling Argentines to keep their hands off the Malvinas/Falklands. No one cared.

• The YouTube gods reignited the population’s obsession with catfights.

• President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is touring South East Asia and must do so in a rental plane instead of the official presidential plane because she’s afraid the vulture funds are going to impound it. No, really.

• The Qom indigenous community are this close to becoming an endangered species but we still care more about who’s going to be a judge on this season’s Dancing with the Stars.

• The Subte A Line will remain closed until March and those nostalgia-inducing death traps that we used to ride from time to time will be dismantled and used for asado wood. I mean… “libraries.”

• If you are in Punta del Este, chances are you are being robbed right now. Seriously, check your wallet.

• Cristina got into a very, very public fight with über-Argentine and heartthrob actor Ricardo Darín after he casually dropped in an interview that he wanted to know how she made her fortune. She replied with a passive-aggressive open letter via Twitter and Facebook, and engaged in an ad hominem discussion about how she loves his movies and how he was once accused of illegally importing a car to the country. Remember that Mr. Darín, hmm?

• Moral of the story: don’t fuck with the president, loser. She’s like, the female version of Vladimir Putin. You just don’t fuck with her and expect to get away with it. Ever.

• By the way, regarding that link to “ad hominem“? You’re welcome.

OK. Now that you’re up to speed, welcome back. You can stop the music.

This is what you need to know, although bear in mind it’s January, which is a slow news month:

• 

  Mar del Plata continues to allure millions of tourists every year for some reason. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  We begin with what will surely be the story of the week, since it’s on the cover of every newspaper in this country today. Remember last year when President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner unveiled those evil-looking dolls that were supposed to represent the League of Extraordinary Bolivarian Liberators but in fact resembled a voodoo doll from a scene of A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master? Well step aside, horrible creatures of the underworld! Because there’s a new winner in this twisted Toy Story-esque universe. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new and improved Cristina doll (widow dress and presidential sash included in the set!). Now, before you start going “WTF is that thing?” let me just clarify that it’s a gift from the Argentine Toy Industry Chamber which has had huge returns this year because of import restrictions (fuck Monopoly, play El Estanciero and shut up). Alright, now that we got that out of the way, let’s move on to less relevant things, like rampant inflation.

• INFLATION! That terrifying, frumpish concept that keeps us guessing every month and keeps bringing us closer and closer to considering prostitution as a way to make ends meet. As we’ve become accustomed in the last few years, there is great disparity between the official inflation rate index and the one disclosed by independent economists. This year was not different, with the INDEC citing a 10.8% for 2012, and private consulting estimates placing it just over 25%. Congratulations Argentina! You have now surpassed Venezuela to become the country with the highest inflation rate in Latin America. As a reward, hacktivist group Anonymous decided to hack the INDEC’s website to denounce its lies. Ha! Kids.

• DOLLAR BLUE! That angelical way of calling the black market exchange rate of the US dollar in the dark alleys of mysterious Buenos Aires. That dewy sweet deal you procure to seal by getting rid of all your dollars once you return to Argentina from wherever the hell you come from. Yes, kids. The “dollar blue” exchange rate has reached $7.47 pesos today, which is almost 50% more than the official exchange rate, currently at $4.96. So you know… when you’re back, gimme a call so I know how you’re doing and we’ll meet for coffee. Oh, and bring your dollars for no particular reason.

• Remember the IMF? It’s back! Although not in pog form. No, this time it’s very real and as they prepare to meet on February 1st to discuss what to do with our rogue nation and its elusive ways, we better brace ourselves for what will surely be another harmless statement saying that if Argentina doesn’t change its strategy, the organization will have no choice but to warn us again.

• And if you didn’t get that “pog form” reference, A) You never watched The Simpsons and B) You suck.

• While visiting the UAE as part of her “Sex and The City 2” presidential tour, Cristina signed a series of bilateral agreements with the Emirati president Khalifa bin Al Nahayan. Then she met with “the girls” for a couple of appletinis and later met with downfallen football start Diego Maradona – currently an Obi-Wan Kenobi-esque cave dweller in the Abu Dhabi desert after being banished from Argentina –  who regaled her with the crassest flower bouquet humanity has ever witnessed. He also expressed his strong support for her administration, which is like, super easy to do when you’re living in a different country and getting paid in dollars. But stop judging you guys! In fact Diego has always strongly supported whoever was in power, even former president Carlos Menem and his Economy Minister Lex Luthor, both of them architects of the economic measures in the 90s that resulted in a mess that the Kirchners tried to clean up in the 00s. Don’t believe me? Here’s a photo of Maradona…ahem… “resting” during a press conference and wearing a t-shirt that reads “Thank you Mingo”, in reference to Mr. Luthor himself. That’s like praising Obama’s anti-war stance after wearing a “Thank you Cheney” t-shirt.  The Internet NEVER forgets, Maradona.

• Re: the flower bouquet… noticed the footballs on top? Oh Diego. Never change.

• The National Government has announced that it intends to enact a federal plan to slowly replace and repair the national railway network.

• Oh and conveniently, this happened today. So stay away from all trains until things are working at least by North Korean standards.  I mean, nothing to worry about. Just a passenger train that went off the rails but no one died, which means no biggie.

• And not to freak you out or anything, but a plane from Aerolíneas Argentinas “grazed” another from Air France while it was taxiing at the Miami International Airport yesterday.

• Oh, like you never dented another car while parking. Shut up. Look at it, it’s not so bad.

• Remember when three years ago everyone was crazy about the Dakar Rally because it launched from Buenos Aires, and everyone was like “Oh my God I’ve been following this forever!“, and everyone was like, yelling at the screens and everything, and waving Argentine flags when what’s his face won the quad bike races and all that? Remember how Cristina wore a pink helmet and rode the quad bike and stuff to celebrate? Remember how then the organization behind the rally decided to expand it to other countries and local people were like “Woa…” and then Argentina just became a “passing through” country and everyone was like “meh“? Yeah, well. That’s now. No one cares about it.

• This week Argentina was disqualified from the FIFA U-20 World Cup (whatever that means) and now everyone is sad. Pity. *cough*

• Also, for reasons that I fail to compute because I truly dislike football,
  

  Don't give me any of that "friendly" crap. You either kill or get killed. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  there’s a Superclasico coming to Mar del Plata this Saturday which, what do you know, happens to coincide with the busiest season.  Now, I understand that you like the circus. I understand that you don’t care about paying money for a spectacle that we all know is merely put up to exploit your blind fanaticism and rake in the big bucks. But why the bout of euphoria? Seriously. No matter who wins or loses, the result is exactly the same. It’s a friendly superclásico (I know, oxymoron much?), which means there’s no motivation to win beyond the satisfaction of mocking your rivals to the point of killing a couple hooligans outside the stadium but that’s it. It’s WrestleMania with a ball. It’s a gladiator fight in which both contenders survive. And I don’t know about you, but if I lived in ancient Rome I would have liked none of that sissy shit. Either you stab him in the neck or he stabs you but one of you has to die. If not, I want my gold coins back.

• And since we’re talking Superclásico: dear staff working at the US Embassy in Buenos Aires: I know you read me (oh yes, I know) and you know I love you. I really do. But you see, I hate football. So please let’s make sure THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. In fact, let’s just pretend it never happened. Let’s just pretend that you decided to go with a lame reenactment of Gangnam Style, like this high school did. Sure, the Spartan name will live in infamy forever, a cheap tin plaque with its name on it hanging and gathering dust and cobwebs in the hall of eternal shame. But I’ll take that to football. So seriously. Never again.

• Did you click on that link to the high school video? Eerie, isn’t it? Hypnotic. Like you can’t stop looking at it even though your face feels like going through that rapid-aging process that kills the bad guy at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

The government of Falklands/Malvinas Islands has announced the dates of the referendum in which islanders will be able to express their opinion on the political status of the islands. The referendum will take place on 11th and 12th March “giving everyone the maximum opportunity to exercise their right to vote.”

The question published on the official website of Falklands/ Malvinas Islands Government is:

“The current political status of the Falkland Islands is that they are an Overseas Territory of the United Kingdom.  The Islands are internally self-governing, with the United Kingdom being responsible for matters including defence and foreign affairs.  [...]  Given that Argentina is calling for negotiations over the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands, this referendum is being undertaken to consult the people regarding their views on the political status of the Falkland Islands.  Should the majority of votes cast be against the current status, the Falkland Islands Government will undertake necessary consultation and preparatory work in order to conduct a further referendum on alternative options.

Do you wish the Falkland Islands to retain their current political status as an Overseas Territory of the United Kingdom?

YES or NO”

To facilitate the process, the government released an explanatory booklet and is planning to invite credible international missions to observe the process “to clearly demonstrate that it has been held freely and fairly.”

The government of Falklands/Malvinas Islands expressed its intention to hold the referendum on 12th June 2012, which was rejected by Argentine president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner. She asked the Decolonisation Committee of the United Nations: “Why not do a referendum in Iraq or Afghanistan?”, and demanded national sovereignty over the Falklands/Malvinas Islands.

On 3rd January president Fernández wrote an open letter to British Prime Minister David Cameron, asking the British government to respect the 1965 United Nations General Assembly resolution which calls for a diplomatic resolution to the issue.  The British Foreign Office responded via Twitter: “The people of the Falklands are British and have chosen to be so.”

The Argentine Ministry of Foreign Affairs released a statement yesterday rejecting British Prime Minister David Cameron’s latest comments on the Falklands/Malvinas conflict.

The official statement starts by repudiating “the military threats of [British] Prime Minister David Cameron related to the illegal occupation that Great Britain has exercised over the Malvinas Islands for the last 180 years.” It then goes on to request Cameron to “not use the legitimate and peaceful claims that we have made against the usurpation of part of our territory and against colonialism as an excuse to keep supporting the arms industry instead of resolving the severe social crisis which Europe is going through. People need more work and less wars.”

The ministry’s response comes after an interview Cameron gave the BBC, in which the British Prime Minister said his government would fight to keep the islands. ”Of course we would [fight for the islands] and we have strong defences in place on the Falkland Islands -that is absolutely key, that we have fast jets stationed there, we have troops stationed on the Falklands,” he said.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs statement finished with a call for the UK “to accept the resolutions of the United Nations to resolve the Malvinas Issue in a peaceful way.”

The conflict between Argentina and the UK over the sovereignty of the Falklands/Malvinas Islands came back to the forefront last week after president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner published an open letter to Prime Minister Cameron on the British press, denouncing the “occupation” of the islands in 1833 and calling for a diplomatic solution to the conflict.

Prime Minister Cameron responded by insisting on the British position of upholding the principle of self-determination, and putting the issue of sovereignty to the islanders on a referendum to be held in March.

British tabloid The Sun today published an open letter in Argentine English-language newspaper The Buenos Aires Herald in response to President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner’s request for dialogue with British Prime Minister David Cameron regarding the sovereignty of the Falklands/Malvinas Islands.

Fernández’s letter, published yesterday in UK dailies The Guardian and The Independent, highlighted the 180th anniversary of the landing of British naval forces on the islands and called for the British government to “put an end to colonialism”.

The letter, addressed to Cameron, drew criticism from British media and prompted the British Foreign Office to respond, via Twitter, that Argentina must respect the islanders’ right to political self-determination.

“The people of the Falklands are British and have chosen to be so”, a Foreign Office spokesperson tweeted. “There can be no negotiations on the sovereignty of the Falklands Islands unless and until such time as the Islanders so wish”.

A referendum is due to be held in March regarding the Falklands/Malvinas status as a British Overseas Territory.

The Sun’s letter, published in both English and Spanish on page 5 of The Buenos Aires Herald, begins “Thirty one years ago this year, Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands, with the loss of 255 British service personnel, 649 Argentinian (sic) troops and three civilian Falklanders”.

It continues, “This action was in direct conflict with the United Nation’s charter’s principle of self-determination in which the people of the Falkland Islands are British and have chosen to be so”.

Much of The Sun’s letter, as well as criticism from other media outlets, takes issue with Fernández’s wording and interpretation of the events of 1833. The Argentine line of thinking affirms that its settlers and governor were forcibly removed from the islands by the invading British Royal Navy, and that the islands constitute an integral part of the nation’s sovereign territory.

The UK affirms that British territorial claims to the islands date back earlier than the South American nations’.

“British sovereignty over the Falkland Islands dates back to 1765 – before the Republic of Argentina even existed”, The Sun states. “The islands have never been governed by or formed part of the sovereign territory of the Republic of Argentina”.

The letter concludes with the firm warning “Hands off!” The Sun drew criticism during the 1982 Falklands/Malvinas war for its sensationalist headline “Gotcha”, at the sinking of Argentine light cruiser ARA General Belgrano, in which 323 Argentine sailors were killed.

At the time of writing, President Fernández has not responded publicly to the letter.

An open letter from President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner to British Prime Minister David Cameron printed today in The Guardian once again invited the British government to open a dialogue regarding the sovereignty of the contested Falklands/Malvinas Islands. The letter, which appeared as an advertisement in the International section, was reprinted in various British and Argentine newspapers.

The publication of the letter was timed to coincide with the 180th anniversary of the landing on the islands by the British Royal Navy. Addressed to Prime Minister Cameron, it begins “One hundred and eighty years ago on this same date, January 3rd, in a blatant exercise of 19th-century colonialism, Argentina was forcibly stripped of the Malvinas Islands, which are situated 14,000km (8,700 miles) away from London.”

It continues “Since then, Britain, the colonial power, has refused to return the territories to the Argentine Republic, thus preventing it from restoring its territorial integrity.” Fernández then asks the British government to respect the 1965 United Nations General Assembly resolution which calls for a diplomatic resolution to the issue.

“In the name of the Argentine people, I reiterate our invitation for us to abide by the resolutions of the United Nations”, the letter concludes.

The British Foreign Office was quick to respond via Twitter, stating “There are three parties to this debate, not just two as Argentina likes to pretend. The Islanders can’t just be written out of history”. They continue, “The people of the Falklands are British and have chosen to be so.”

Spokespeople from the Falklands/Malvinas have formerly stated that they do not consider themselves a colony, but rather a willing member of the United Kingdom. A referendum will be held on the islands in March to decide whether the inhabitants wish to continue being a British territory, or change their status.

British media have been quick to criticise the content of the letter, accusing President Fernández of historical inaccuracies regarding Argentina’s claim to the Islands and the Argentine presence there in 1833 at the time of the British occupation.

In a column that published in The Telegraph, Nile Gardiner, a former advisor to former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, described the letter as “a pathetic act of desperation that simply underlines the futility of the cause”.

Meanwhile, in Buenos Aires, the National Commission of ex-Combatants of the Malvinas will deliver their own letter to the British Embassy today, with the support of the Madres and Abuelas of the Plaza de Mayo, expressing their “concern before the fact that Great Britain does not respect the UN’s resolutions”.

Ernesto Alonso, head of the Commission, told Página/12 “We have always felt that it was a mistake on the part of the dictatorship to take back the islands militarily, it was a decision that placed the islands even further out of our grasp. Latin America is a peaceful region and all we are asking for is dialogue.”

The British government has released over 3,500 official documents from 1982 related to the ten-week war on the Falklands/ Malvinas islands. The documents include testimonials by then-British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, given behind closed doors to the Falkland Islands Review Committee in October 1982.

The papers were released under the 30-year rule, which states official documents must be declassified after 30 years, unless the information contained within them could put Britain’s national security at risk.

Key revelations include how the Argentine invasion of the islands took Thatcher by surprise. She told the committee: “I never, never expected the Argentines to invade the Falklands head-on. It was such a stupid thing to do, as events happened, such a stupid thing even to contemplate doing.”

They also show the fears Thatcher had over re-taking the islands. Speaking of 31st March 1982, when “raw intelligence” proved the invasion was imminent, she said: ”That night no-one could tell me whether we could retake the Falklands – no-one. We did not know – we did not know.”

Such were her fears, that days after the Argentine invasion, Thatcher contemplated ceding administration of the archipelago to the United Nations, in view to granting them independence.

The papers also reveal failed attempts by the former Mexican president, José López Portillo, to coordinate a meeting in Cancún between Thatcher and Argentina’s de-facto leader Leopoldo Galtieri in May 1982.

However, various documents, including some related to the submarine that sunk Argentina’s Belgrano warship, have not been made public.

The war lasted from 2nd April to 14th June 1982. Casualties included 650 Argentine soldiers, 255 British servicemen and three Falklands civilians.

An area of British territory in Antarctica that is twice the size of the UK will be named ‘Land of Queen Elizabeth’ in tribute to the throne of Elizabeth II. Argentina claims sovereignty over the same piece of land.

British Foreign Secretary, William Hague, announced this name during a visit by the Queen to the Foreign Office after a meeting of the British Government.

The area of Antarctica, which had no official name before, is located on the west side of the continent and has an area of about 437,000 square kilometres, a third of all British territory in Antarctica.

“It is a tribute to the queen, which highlights the country’s gratitude for her service,” said Hague.

The sovereignty of the territory is disputed by Argentina’s claim to the Falkland/Malvinas Islands, South Georgia Islands, South Sandwich Islands, and the surrounding maritime areas.

“The Biritsh Antarctic Territory is a unique and important member of the network of 14 overseas territories of the UK,” Hague said.

In the press release announcing the new name, the Foreign Office did not mention that the territory is also claimed by Argentina. The new name will be formalised on British maps and “the rest of the countries will decide whether or not to recognise the name,” according to the Foreign Office.

The new name was put in place for scientific and logistical reasons, according to the statement.