Transport Secretary, Juan Pablo Schiavi, announced this morning that it will be the State’s job to decide whether aeroplanes are fit to fly. This comes after ash from the Puyehue volcano in Chile continues to disrupt air travel at Ezeize and Aeroparque airports.

“We are definitely going to take state control in the next few weeks,” the Transport Secretary said during an interview with radio station ‘La Red’.

Schiavi explained that the plan will be put in place to make sure that a situation where companies have “differing” and “subjective” criteria will be avoided. Instead, all planes will be judged according to the same criteria.

“Airlines have very rigid and fixed security parameters,” he continued, “but it could be that one company takes a little more precautions than the rest.” He denied, however, that those companies allowing flights to go ahead were acting dangerously. “With this I don’t want to say that the companies that are flying are not taking precautions.”

Aerolíneas Argentinas y Austral had predicted that flights would resume this afternoon, after the National Meteorological Service (SMN) registered improvements in the bad conditions caused by the ash cloud emitted by the volcano.

The airport in Bariloche will be closed from the 24^th October until the 20^th December, while workers make renovations and improvements to the runways and other facilities.  The project had been scheduled for later in 2012, but airport representatives say it was moved forward because of the activity of Chilean volcano Puyehue.

Furthermore, new eruptions from the volcano are once again affecting residents of San Carlos de Bariloche and other areas in Patagonia. Sanitation authorities are recommending that people use facemasks to protect themselves from the ash and to stay inside when possible.

The latest report from Chile’s National Service of Geology and Mining (SERNAGEOMIN) recorded a change in the seismic activity of the volcano, causing an increase in minor eruptions and the release of a small quantity of lava.

According to officials, water vapour is being released along with the ash. This material is being suspended in the air by strong winds.  The sun then dries the material, leaving a massive ash cloud that hovers instead of falling or dissipating.

Experts at SERNAGEOMIN said, “Given the current characteristics of the volcano’s activity, this phenomenon could continue for months”.

There are additional concerns that more eruptions may occur because of obstructions in the exit path inside the volcano by the lava that has been produced since June.

Aerolíneas Argentinas and Austral have informed passengers that some flights are still cancelled due to the ash clouds caused by volcano Puyehue. The affected destionations are Cordoba, Mendoza, San Juan and San Rafael. Departures to these locations will restart when the weather forecast shows cleaner skies.

Passengers are advised to check their flight status by calling 0810-222-86527 or entering the website www.aerolineas.com

Chilean volcano Puyehue has erupted once again generating more disruption at Jorge Newbery Metropolitan Airport and Ezeiza International Airport.  According to La Nación, 57 flights have been cancelled or delayed so far, although this number may increase.

The most affected domestic destinations were Bahia Blanca, Neuquén, Rio Grande and Iguazú Falls. International departures have also been cancelled, including Montevideo, Santiago de Chile and Rio de Janeiro.

Aerolíneas Argentinas reported that all flights to San Martin de los Andes (Neuquén) will be cancelled until 1 November.

Puyehue volcano ash clouds also caused chaos earlier this year in June and July, even affecting Australian air space.

As ashes from Chile’s Puyehue volcano return yet again to Argentina, the domestic airport Aeroparque has cancelled all flights.

A spokesman for Aeropuertos Argentina said this morning that all Aerolíneas Argentinas and Austral flights from Aeroparque have been suspended, till at least midday.

He added that “seven arrivals and nine departures” had been cancelled at the international airport Ezeiza.

The centre of the country has been most affected by the ashes, and is proving the most difficult to get to by air.

It’s Friday again!

And I’m lazy today, so no introductory text.

What! You don’t see me accusing you of being too lazy to click the “Like” button on top, do you? Fuck off then.

Read it and get out of here.

• 

  "I'll be back, bitches!" President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner says. (Not really.) (Photo/Wikipedia)

  Finally! The cat is out of the bag. After avoiding the issue for months, President Cristina Fernández de Kircher announced she will be seeking reelection. Of course, everyone was like “Yeah, what else is new?” because there was no doubt she was going to be running again.  But now the big question is who she’s gonna pick as her running mate. And we all know how that went the last time she chose, so we assume she will choose wisely this time. Or well, maybe not, since there’s rumors she will pick current Chaco Governor Jorge Capitanich. Sure, his career has been filled with corruption scandals and accusations that he neglected the indigenous population in the province, but his worst skeleton in the closet is actually his wife, former provincial Health Minister Sandra Mendoza, who is hilariously nuts. And I mean really nuts. Bugs Bunny cartoon nuts. Look at her yelling and insulting her peers like a crazy old person while lawmakers are in session. Funny, ain’t it? Well, get ready because this is actually even better: when her husband asked her to give up her post after corruption accusations, she furiously drove her car through a wall of the provincial Legislature building. True story! This is her driving her car, and here is the hole in the wall. I don’t know about you but if this guy get’s picked, I smell a sitcom!

• I usually send anything football-related all the way to the bottom of this column, where it belongs. But this time, it’s different since it’s so fucking funny! You see here there’s this thing called First Division (or A Division) which is where all “respectable” football teams such as Boca Juniors or River Plate always remain. Then there’s the B Division, which is basically the most embarrassing thing to happen to a football player in the history of the universe. Anyway, so after a series of fuck-ups River Plate is on the brink of being downgraded to the B Division, which has fans and hooligans in an outrage. So last Wednesday, as the team faced Belgrano de Cordoba in the first half of a deciding match, a bunch of hooligan ninjas broke into the field and started pushing the River players around, telling them to “grow a pair.” The game had to be suspended for 20 minutes and was eventually resumed. River Plate lost 2-0 and their fate will finally be decided after the second half of the final game this Sunday. Regarding the aggressors who entered the field, they went back to their seats and watched the rest of the game, of course.

• And here’s the reason why I hate football: it’s not the sport, which I guess it’s OK. No, it’s fans that really get to me. Fans like this idiot, who, in tears because his team is losing, says that “he can understand people trying to ruin this country, but ruining River Plate, that’s going too far.” Please watch that and tell me you don’t want to stab him with a butter knife.

• Aaaaaaand, in our embarrassing video of the week, our choice goes to President Fernández de Kirchner who, as she tried to approach a crowd to say hello to her fans, she was blinded by the flashes, tripped and fell, hitting her head against a fence and cracking her skull. Don’t worry though! She didn’t die and she wasn’t lobotomized or anything. She’ll back back on her feet in no time. Also, her late husband, former President Néstor Kirchner, went through the same thing and nothing happened to him.

• Man, Francis Ford Coppola must be going all “What the fuck was I thinking?!?” right now.  For like the gazillionth time, his Palermo petit hotel “Jardín Escondido” was robbed at gunpoint this week.  Don’t worry though, this time it was just money. Last time, they robbed his production company and stole a laptop that contained the script to the movie he was directing back then, Tetro, an incident that forced him to address the robbers through the media, as he begged them to at least return the file.  They did apparently, since it was finished later that year, although the movie was so fucking bad many wished they had never done it.

• The Argentine National Government would like you to know that when they say that police repression is not allowed in this country, they mean it. We have seen the 9 de Julio Av. blocked countless times over various protests ranging from war veterans to unemployed workers, while police officials just stand on the side, motionless. Police brutality will never be allowed here. Ever. Because demonstrations are a country’s healthiest expression of democracy and freedom. The pinnacle of all efforts born from the Constitution, that allow citizens to speak out and make use of their inalienable rights. Unless, of course, they’re teachers asking for a raise.

• The Italian police announced this week that they had found in Milan some jewelry that belonged to Evita Perón, and that had been stolen in Spain in 2009. The tiara, earrings and other stuff found was valued in 4 million euros. In case you don’t know who Evita was, just watch Madonna’s movie, I hear it’s kinda fun even though it doesn’t make any sense. No, really. In the movie she meets Che Guevara and everything, even though he was like 18 years old by the time Evita died. Whatever, this is Latin America, no one gives a shit.

• Move over, Paul the Octopus! Oh, right. He died. Anyway, since Argentina must ALWAYS have it’s own version of ABSOLUTELY everything, I give you Andres the Donkey, who predicts that River Plate is going down. Enjoy! Then kill yourself.

• That fucking Puyehue volcano keeps spewing ash, grounding all flights. But according the specialists it’s now spitting lava, which means the eruption could end soon. Of course, it could also be that the entire Ring of Fire is about to collapse in a sea of fire, charring our bodies in seconds as we drown under a scorching river of magma. So you know. It could go either way.

• What do you do if you’re a drug trafficker and as you’re carrying 444 kilos of pure cocaine in your yacht, you
  

  Yup. Believe it or not, this pedophile-looking Santa Claus is actually acclaimed director Francis Ford Coppola. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  realize your boat is sinking? A) You let it sink? B) You call the Coast Guard for assistance. If you chose B, you’re an idiot, but don’t worry though, you’re not alone. In fact, that’s exactly what happened last Sunday. Ha. Irony!

• It’s a weird day, since for some reason that only the universe knows, these Argentine legends were born today: amazing writer and grumpy old man Ernesto Sábato, F-1 racer and surely-unknown-to-you Juan Manuel Fangio, football superstar Lionel Messi (you know who he is, so no need to link him to Wikipedia), and football normal-to-mediocre star Juan Román Riquelme. Also today, Argentines commemorate the deaths of two popular singers, first tango superstar Carlos Gardel, and first cuarteto superstar Rodrigo Bueno.  Weird, huh? Six Argentine personalities born/dead on the same day. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! I mean, if you calcu- agh, alright, I admit it. This is shit, and it totally feels like filling, but don’t blame me. All major newspapers have covered this bullshit today. I’m not kidding. So don’t blame me, blame shitty journalism.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

An emergency team convened by the Ministry of Social Development met with members of the Mapuche community today in Bariloche.  The team discussed plans for recovery from the showers of ash that the Puyehue volcano poured over the region.

The meeting was attended by the Ministry’s Secretary of Institutional Management and Organization, Sergio Berni; the director of Emergencies of Development, Sbastián Ciatti; and the Mapuche representative, Enrique Melli. The objective of the meeting was to coordinate relief efforts between the indigenous peoples and the Ministry.

The Mapuche community has been severely affected by the eruption, which began on 4^th June. Relief aid, such as food for animals and material to rebuild fallen greenhouses, has been slow to arrive to the more isolated communities of Nequén and Río Negro, leaving agricultural production in a critical state.

The representative of the Mapuche Confederation, Remlú Nanku, told Página 12 that the situation is “distressing.” According to Nanku, in one region, families “lost half of their animals.” This loss comes on top of a “scarcity of water,” brought on by several months of drought.

Indigenous communities have thus far been assisted in relief efforts by the Operative Center for Emergencies of Comallo, a town in the Río Negro province.

It’s Friday again!

And what a fucked up week it’s been. Volcanic eruptions, political scandals and even a visit by Ricky Martin! I’m not sure Argentina can take all of this at once. Of course, half of you readers wouldn’t know since you’re still stuck on the other side of the world, unable to fly to South America because those sissy airlines refuse to fly through a harmless ash cloud.

So, since one half is stuck abroad and the other half doesn’t give a shit about what happens around here and just read this for its comedic value, all I can do is let you know of all the awesomeness(*) going on around here, that you unfortunately will not be able to enjoy.

• 

  Thanks to those bastards at Reuters, I can't use a photo of the Puyehue volcano, so you'll have to settle with one from some volcano from around the world. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  So here’s what you need to know:The Rapture is slowly getting here! After several decades of remaining dormant, the Puyehue Volcano in Chile erupted again this week, pretty much fucking up everybody’s lives. From the bucolic people of Bariloche to the altered residents of Buenos Aires, an ash cloud spewed by the angry giant covered the entire half of the country. Domestic and international flights were cancelled, pissing off a lot of people who were hoping to fly here for something called the Copa America, and crops around Patagonia were ruined under a thick layer of ash. So, the country has been a mess for a week and we don’t even know if the worst is over. I mean, we all know how Dante’s Peak ended. And I’m not talking about that ridiculous “hiding in the mine” thing, I’m talking about that big-ass pyroclastic cloud blowing up shit. So let’s see how it all plays out.

• Oh, by the way, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner gave a speech on the dangers that the ash cloud poses to your health, and she assured that it’s all psychological. So there, there’s nothing to worry about.

• Argentina launched the SAT-D Aquarius spy satellite today, which will measure the ocean’s salinity. How does that help? I have no idea, but the government put up a whole show this morning with President Fernandez de Kirchner acting as a host,  a situation that brought us many laughable moments, like when she started freaking out about an “unexpected explosion” during the launch, while the guys at NASA overseeing the launch scratched their heads, wondering what the fuck she was freaking out about. Congrats, though, Argentina!

• A garbage men strike once again affected Buenos Aires this week, which meant we had to put up with an awful smell and some big-ass flies for several days until it was all resolved. What was it about this time? Something about a dead guy? I don’t know. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit anymore.

• Thinking of expressing your support for your favorite politician but can’t come up with an original way to do so? Well, think no more! Just do what a Neuquen government official did a week before their mayoral elections: soft porn! 40-year old Alejandra Oehrens decided to attract attention to her Facebook page in support of the opposition’s candidate by having these photos taken of her in a school girl dress. So there you have it. Embarrassing AND adorable (and gross).

• Remember last week’s big announcement about the Metrobus? That new, safe, fast, clean, transportation service that takes people from Palermo to Liniers in the blink of an eye? Yeah, well, it was involved in two traffic accidents this week. Good one, Mr. Mayor!

• Manchester City superstar and forgettable singer Carlos Tevez
  

  Coolest guy in the world Carlos Tevez (Photo/Wikipedia)

  returned to Argentina this week to take part in something called Copa America (whatever that is), and decided to pop up at his former cumbia band’s show this week. And you know what? He may be a horrible singer and speak the worst English in the world, but there’s nothing this guy can do to make me dislike him. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the first one to laugh at himself or something, but I love this guy, even if he plays the sport that shall not be named.

• Formerly straight and currently gay rockstar Ricky Martin visited Argentina and met with President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner and Susana Gimenez (AKA “the white, South American Oprah“). But you see, even though Susana totally seems to get along with “the gays,” she still seemed a bit awkward discussing his sexuality and avoided calling him “a gay,” so she just keep questioning him about “his problem,” which brought criticism from everyone (except Catholics) for her archaic and borderline-insulting comments. It’s alright though, at least she didn’t ask if gay adoption could lead to gay parents raping their child, like TV host Mirtha Legrand did.

• You know how some of you snobs keep saying that you “love Puerto Madero because it’s chic and safe”? Well, let me tell you something: Chic? Please, It’s the biggest nouveau-riche conglomerate in the country.  And safe? Sure! It’s so safe that today, these robbers pulled a Home Alone, ransacked an entire apartment in broad daylight and weren’t even shot! That’s how safe it is.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

(*) = For all you locals, I’m sorry to tell you, there’s no awesomeness going on.