Tag Archive | "river"

Visiting Football Fans Banned From Final Tournament Games


Football Fans at La Plata Stadium (Photo Courtesy of Sam Kelly Flickr)

The Argentine Football Association (AFA) announced yesterday that visiting fans would be banned from the remaining two matches of the first division final tournament due to escalating violence.

AFA made the decision alongside  the national government after a Lanús fan was killed at the La Plata Stadium just before the club’s match against Estudiantes on Monday 10th June.

According to AFA, although the precautionary measure was originally meant solely for Buenos Aires Province, visiting fans across the country are also currently banned from entering match stadiums.

After meeting with the Executive Committee, AFA Secretary General Miguel Silva explained: “This is a logical and reasonable measure agreed upon by with the government.”

Lanús fan Javier Gerez, 38, was killed at the Estudiantes home field in La Plata in a clash with police officers. Officers at the stadium shot Gerez in the chest with rubber bullets, which sent him to the hospital where he later died. Monday’s match was delayed after the incident, although it was not cancelled until half time when the referee received the news of the fan’s death.

Buenos Aires Minister of Justice and Security, Ricardo Casal, announced yesterday morning that his office would not allow for visiting fans at games in “any division” and that the police would no longer shoot rubber bullets at matches.

He also ordered for the suspension and arrest of three officers connected to Gerez’s death.

Casal said: “This is over. In the Province of Buenos Aires there are not going to be any more visiting fans in any division until the AFA and the Agency for the Prevention of Violence in Sports (Aprevide) promises us that there will be no more violence on the football field.”

Gerez’s death on Monday evening was the tipping point in a violent weekend for Argentine football. A Velez-All Boys match was called off on Saturday after a scuffle between fans and police broke out and fans were tear-gassed.

However, football clubs like River Plate have criticised the AFA measure in spite of the recent violence. River coach Ramón Díaz said: “I hope that the problem can be solved quickly because for us and for the players, the support of our people and their encouragement is very important. As a coach, it’s never happened to me that we would play on the field without our fans, and it’s going to feel weird because football without fans is nothing.”

Posted in News From Argentina, Round Ups ArgentinaComments (0)

Weekly News Roundup, October 26th.


It’s Friday again!

And before I forget, I will be away for the next three weeks so expect a somewhat condensed version of the WNR. You hear me? I don’t want any of that “Why so short?” crap. You should be thankful I got to write anything. Got it?

Alright, like the Weekly News Roundup page on Facebook so you can keep up with updates and get out of here.

This is what you need to know:

  • Didn't you hear? Referring to the Brits as "pirates" is so 2011! It's all about the Ghanaians now. Pillagers! See these Ghanaian high school children? Future pirates, obviously. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    Horror! The frigate Libertad continues to be illegally seized by Ghana! But worry not, everyone. Because those Ghanaian pirates may have… whatever it is they have. But WE have the unwavering support of the most powerful organization on Earth: the United FUCKING Nations. That’s right! You don’t look so tough now, do you Ghana? After Foreign Minister Héctor Timerman flew to New York to beg for some help, the UN sent a strong, ominous message to the African nation: “Yeah, whatever. Figure it out yourselves.”

  • And yes, that happened in real life.
  • Then, after endless weeks of mortification and despair because the air conditioning in the ship was not working at full capacity, the stranded sailors finally returned to their homeland on Wednesday night. The omnipresent media, always a pain in the ass, was obviously present at the time of their return and meddled as the sailors tried to hug their long-lost relatives. It was almost as if they were returning from a great war, only their plight involved being stranded in a tropical nation with lots of booze. Yeah, that sounds like an atrocious nightmare.
  • Oh and to close this whodunit once and for all, the one responsible for losing the frigate wasn’t the butler. Turns out it was Defense Minister Arturo Puricelli, who this week admitted he was the one responsible for sending the frigate to Ghana.
  • But wait! The plot thickens! As if this whole frigate fiasco were not enough of an international clusterfuck, a new – and unexpected – shadowy figure has come into play. One you had never expected to be a part of this, but when you find out you’ll probably go: “yeah…makes sense I guess.” Because as it turns out, you know who has some assets in the vulture fund that seized the frigate Libertad? None other than Ann Romney, Mitt Romney’s wife. That’s right! So if Mitt Romney wins, we’re all screwed. Just saying.
  • You know that phrase “the enemy of my enemy is my friend?”. Here’s the perfect illustration of it, because after union leader Hugo Moyano broke off with Cristina due to differences in policy, he decided to start flirting with Mayor Mauricio Macri, who’s like the exact opposite of him. And now they are totally gay for each other, exchanging white roses and whatnot. No, that’s not an expression, they really did give each other white roses. And they even joked about being potential running mates in 2015! Ha! I give them a week before they kill each other.
  •  The World Bank (headquarters pictured here) says that Argentina is apparently not the ideal country to do business. Really, Sherlock? Wow, you guys must be really smart.
  • Also, I don’t mean to pile on but according to a new study, Buenos Aires is now as expensive as New York or London. Yay, first world! Ah, come on. Don’t be so fast to panic, salaries are pretty high here! Come on kids, let’s go somewhere expensive to celebrate! Let’s go to Mc Donald’s.
  • How would you translate “forro” and “puto“? I’m assuming something like “dickhead” and “faggot”, correct? The reason I’m asking is because these were some of the insults spewed by Kirchnerite lawmaker Francisco “Tito” Nenna to another legislator during a budget meeting yesterday at the City Legislature. Of course there’s video! Here, enjoy our healthy democracy at work.
  • Ah, this is more like it. You see, in the (probably irrelevant) town of Allen, in Rio Negro, differences are resolved the old fashion way. Forget about neanderthal behavior, uncivilized manners or politically incorrect insults. In Allen, when a lawmaker and a unionist clash in a radio show and realize they have no choice but to agree to disagree, they resolve their existing conflict like gentlemen: they take it outside and beat the shit out of each other.
  • I specially love the ending, when the guy who’s been recording the whole dispute approaches one of the men and asks: “¿Qué pasó?” (“What happened?”). You know, as if he hasn’t been taping it all for the last two minutes without intervening. Reminded me of this for some reason.
  • I know it feels like I say this every month… well, actually I do say it every month, but cab fare is going up again. The new flag fall will cost $9.10, up from $8.20. For every 60 seconds standing, or 200 meters in motion, the fare will go up to $0.91. Now, since this happens once a month I’ve officially run out of punchlines. How many times can I say “dust off your bike” or “dust off your running shoes”? Fuck it, I’m done.
  • Here’s something that sounds like the script of a Steve Carell/Tina Fey film, but I swear is not: 28-year-old woman returns to her home in San Isidro after an exhausting day at work. As she gets out of her car, a couple of robbers intercept her at gunpoint and tell her to get back into the car. She tries to scream but they beat her up. They hop in the car and take her to an ATM. They can only get $1500 pesos so they decide to go “shopping”. Literally. They take her to an appliance store. Purchases exceeds her credit card limit. They try another store but this time they leave victim tied up in car. They try using her credit card again but when store owners ask for the card owner’s address these two geniuses realize they don’t know. The untie the victim and try a third time. It works. They buy a lot of stuff. They take the victim to the most dangerous neighborhood in the world and release her there, but because they are not all bad they give her $100 pesos for a cab. Which is kind of ridiculous because considering the new cab fares there’s no way you can get from Fuerte Apache to San Isidro on $100, but whatever, suspension of disbelief. The girl runs for help after being released and runs into a gang. They, obviously, rob her and take the $100 pesos she had for the cab. No, I swear, this all happened. Really, it’s even on tape.
  • Oh and yeah, she eventually made it back home, so it’s all good.
  • I know you are probably still reeling from Ricardo Fort’s departure from national television. But unfortunately, I have more bad news regarding our favorite posse of nouveau riche misfits. The more female version of Fort, the third-world version of Paris Hilton, Charlotte Chantal Caniggia, has been eliminated from Bailando por un Sueño. The good news is she’s become so irrelevant in just a few months that you probably don’t even remember who she was. So click here for a look back at some of her finest moments, which will surely leave an imprint on Argentine television forever until next month.
  • “But Adrian, you forgot the link!”, you probably just said. No, I did not. I did not forget the link. That is a statement in itself, because there are no fine moments. See? I’m deep.
  • This week, in the sport commonly known as “the football“: I’m sure a lot of relevant stuff happened, but as usual I like to focus on the irrelevant, possibly denigrating parts, because let’s face it, I just hate that sport. Or as all you football lovers claim: “Adrian doesn’t like sports in general.” What’s that? I’m talking too much about my disdain for football and clearly I should try therapy? I tried it. Didn’t work. Deal with it.
  • Anyway, as the countdown to the Superclasico begins, I must admit I enjoyed the last River Plate and Boca Juniors games this past weekend. Not because of the sport, of course. But because of a couple of disruptions in the games that had all the fans going “WTF!?” and me going “This is awesome!!!”.
  • First, some of the bright, illuminated minds rooting for Quilmes while

    This weekend I'm hoping for a Tyrannosaurus Rex to show up at the Superclasico. Just for fun. (Image/Wikipedia)

    they were playing against River Plate, decided to release some chickens wearing the River shirt into the field because, how fun would that be, right? So here, look at the stadium staff trying to catch the feathered agitators before they start pooping and laying eggs all over the place, because that’s what they do, right?  Oh, and you may want to use the Benny Hill theme as soundtrack to make it funnier.

  • Meanwhile, in the Boca vs. Estudiantes game, another visitor was entering the field and trying to catch the ball, which it probably thought was a yarn ball. Apparently cats, not content with being the undisputed attention whores of the Internet, are now trying to break into the football business because, why not? They are cats. The two million blood-thirsty hooligans watching the game were swiftly tamed by the feline intruder and let out a universal “awwwwwww look at the kitty!”. Then the cat got scared and left, and everyone just went back to their misanthropic activities as usual.
  • Remember how the other day when there was a monkey loose in Palermo I said it was a jungle out there? I was wrong, it’s a petting zoo out there! Ha! Right? RIGHT!?
  • Oh, fuck you.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrbono@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

And don’t forget to like the Weekly News Roundup on Facebook, so we don’t have to keep fucking reminding you about this every Friday.

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Weekly News Roundup, October 12th.


It’s Friday again!

And don’t forget to like us on Facebook, because we’re trying to get more fans than Justin Bieber and for some reason it’s going pretty slow.

This is what you need to…- What? No, no introductory paragraph today.

What’s the point anymore? You already know what this is all about.

Just read, who cares.

This is what you need to know:

  • Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez, who you don't know very well but have heard that he's like Saddam, or Bin Laden or Darth Vader or one of those. You're not sure. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    Victory! Our Venezuelan brothers and sisters once again decided that change is no fun and reelected supreme overlord Hugo Chávez for the third time. Which means we’re gonna have to put up with his singing until 2019, when I’m sure he’ll be reelected again, and again, and again. Our lady President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner was fast to tweet about it, and now all we need is for their socialist partner in crime of the north Barack HUSSEIN (this part all in caps to remind you he’s probably Kenyan or Arab or something) Obama to get reelected so the three of them can form the axis of coolness. No, really. Believe it or not Chávez is super gay for Obama. Read this piece by Reuters and tell me there’s not an underlying tone of homoeroticism somewhere in there.

  • Seriously? First bullet point and I already need to explain I’m joking? OK.
  • But not all was well in the Bolivarian (I said Bolivarian, not Bolivian, and yes, there’s a difference) republic, since local anti-Kirchnerite journalist and “kind of affable guy” Jorge Lanata, who was there to cover the electoral process, was stopped by the Venezuelan police as he was trying to leave the country and had all his footage confiscated and erased. Understandably upset, Lanata took to his news network to denounce censorship, an accusation that was met by Kirchnerites with skepticism and mockery. Now, does Lanata dislike Cristina? Absolutely. Is this a made up story in order to make the Government look bad? Unlikely, but you’re welcome to believe whatever makes you feel any better. But when you say “if it truly happened, then he deserved it” just because you don’t like what he says, then it’s time to admit that it’s not that you don’t like a fascist state. You just don’t like a fascist state you disagree with.
  • Oh, and before you get the hate mail rolling: no. I didn’t not just call this Government “fascist”. I’m simply trying to exemplify that if you are willing to let such blatant violation of freedom of the press (real or not) go unnoticed just because you don’t like a network’s ideology, then you have no right to complain when in the future something similar happens to a journalist you like. Got it?
  • Also, there’s a lot happening with regards to the Government’s Media Law and the day it’s supposed to go in effect (December 7th, or “7-D”), but I know all about your short attention span and if I explain what it’s about you’ll forget in two hours so I’d rather cover it in the coming months. In the meantime, here’s Cristina talking about it on Cadena Nacional this week.
  • You didn’t click on that, did you? That’s OK, I’m just checking.
  • Speaking of that, remember last week how there was an imminent coup that according to some in the Government was threatening the very basis of democracy as we knew it and heralded a return to the dark ages of totalitarianism? Turns out it was just a legitimate protest. Sorry everyone!
  • But in the end, sanity prevailed: the City had no choice but to appeal the ruling even though it agrees with it (Macri hadn’t vetoed the bill by the time she scheduled the abortion) and the judge who suspended the surgery was removed from the case. Yay!
  • No seriously, it was really bad! Look.
  • Three people found dead in a car in the middle of the jungle. Shot over forty times. You know where. Just evacuate that place.
  • OUTRAGE! The local media, and by osmosis, the Argentine population, are offended with the neighboring country of Peru due at a YouTube video that went viral this week showing a Peruvian girl hitting an Argentine classmate outside their university in some region I never heard of. The Argentine girl, obviously offended because like I said six words ago, she’s Argentine, is demanding that the authorities do something against the tyrant bully and her xenophobic kingdom of terror. But as the Peruvian sheriffs seemingly failed to topple such a monstrous behemoth, the colossal task was left to the Argentine YouTube users, who by means of powerful acceptance and surgical diplomacy tried to handle such international crisis in the best way possible: “Dude, why the fuck are you staying there with all those indians? Just get a scholarship and come study to your country with your fellow countrymen. Those natives are NOT your people. Leave.
  • Yeah, that was an actual comment by YouTube user rainerschaneggerKlemens von Metternich must be proud. Or spinning in his grave.
  • As we all know, it’s been scientifically proven that Palermo is the

    Klemens von Metternich. You probably don't know who he is, which makes him spin in his grave even more. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    neighborhood with all the cool happenings. So in case you were doing some laps around the park or sweating it at Vitruvian on Thursday, you may have noticed the Animal Control van parked in front of the planetario. As it turns out, people in the area were being terrified by a blood-thirsty monkey that had escaped from illegal captivity and was instilling fear by sitting casually on a tree while eating a tuna sandwich. Fortunately for the nation at large, the ungodly creature was killed “recaptured” and returned to safety (in a zoo). We hope. Ha! It’s a jungle out there. Literally! Right? RIGHT?!

  • I know, I hate myself too.
  • Oh and suddenly this doesn’t look like a clever marketing stunt anymore, does it? THIS IS HOW IT ALL STARTS, PEOPLE!!!!
  • Now this is a tough one guys, so I need you to sit down. You know that I have a full disclosure policy. I like to be upfront when it comes to bad news because no matter how hard they are, it’s better to take them fast, remove them like a band-aid. I don’t know how to tell you this… well, actually I do: Ricardo Fort‘s show got cancelled last Saturday. Teary-eyed and visibly heartbroken, his honest farewell to his loyal audience of 17 people can only be compared to other moments of infinite sadness in pop culture history, such as the death of Bambi’s mom and the death of Simba’s dad. But before you run to your room and angrily tear up his posters, good old Ricardo regaled us with his unique talent one last time. And please, before you watch this, keep in mind that this is NOT parody. Enjoy his last song, and try not to kill yourself after it.
  • Also: Disney, what the hell’s wrong with you?! No wonder we’re all fucked up.
  • Monumental joy! If you happened to be walking around Libertador Av. last Monday afternoon, you were probably terrorized by chanting hordes of River Plate fans that were ravaging everything on their way in order to celebrate the creation of “the longest flag in the world.” That’s right, never underestimate football fans with a lot of time in their hands because this is what they’ll come up with. Right outside the River Plate stadium in Nuñez, over one hundred thousand fans dressed in red and white congregated in order to show the Guinness World Records that their flag (and by transference their penises) is the longest one in the world. 7.8 kilometers long! Think of the long work hours, the effort, the people who have died in the creation of such a gargantuan task only comparable to the pyramids of Giza. Congratulations are in order, River Plate fans. So congratulations!
  • No, wait. I take that back. Next time do a little research, guys. As it turns out the “longest flag in the world” already exists and (sorry to tell you this) it’s 25 kilometers long! And it gets worse: it is also in Argentina! And it gets even worse: it was unveiled two years ago during the bicentennial celebrations in front of the entire nation! Ha! I assume you didn’t get the memo, eh fuckers? Better luck next time.
  • What’s that, River Plate fans? Oh, the Guinness World Records still hasn’t officially recognized it so you’re trying to beat the Argentine flag to the punch? Oh, that’s clever! Who knows, maybe all the effort was not in vain after all and you will…- oh, fuck.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrbono@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

And don’t forget to like the Weekly News Roundup on Facebook, so we don’t have to keep fucking reminding you about this every Friday.

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Weekly News Roundup, June 15th.


It’s Friday again!

And before you start reading, let me kindly suggest that you go get your news somewhere else.

No, I’m not kidding. I’m serious. Go read about something that really matters, like how your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s zodiacal sign means he/she is prone to infidelity.

Because honestly, there’s not much to read here this week. Everything you read will basically redirect you to two things: either the Malvinas/Falklands conflict or football.

And quite frankly, I think you and I have had enough of that.

So this week I had to face an impossible decision: either I didn’t write the column in order to let the Government know that this inherent lack of tomfoolery is like slamming my fired up creativity into a cold, refreshing pool of water, or I wrote it anyway and waited for the hate mail to start pouring in.

“You always talk about the same thing, man!”

You know what I mean.

So, after cogitating for some time about professionalism and respect for my loyal readers, I understandably took the high road and decided to tell you all to go fuck yourselves and go out for a beer.

So now I’m hung over and, for some reason, still writing this column even though I originally decided against it.

I was going somewhere with all this but I’ve lost my train of thought.

Thanks for nothing, readers.

This is what you need to- Oh yeah! Now I remember. Like I said, this week this column is mostly about the Malvinas and football. So there. Take it or leave it.

This is what you need to know:

  • Yes. I already used this photo a few months ago. If you have a better idea for a photo this week, you know where to write. I won't care but you know where to write. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    This week saw the 30th anniversary of the end of the Malvinas/Falklands War (See? Malvinas. Told you.) and of course the bilateral acrimony between Argentina and the United Kingdom was emanating strongly from both sides of the ocean. So here’s everything that happened in a nutshell, so we can get this out of the way fast and move to other more important things, like football.

  • David Cameron, that cheeky British prime minister, thought that in order to piss off the Argentines even more on the day of the anniversary, it would be a good idea to fly the Falklands’ flag on top of 10 Downing Street. Very subtle way of saying “Fuck you”, sir. Congrats. You truly are a gentleman.
  • Once her speech was over, a representative of the islands’ government approached Foreign Minister Héctor Timerman and tried to hand him a letter addressed to Cristina in which he asked her to talk to them in order to discuss the islands’ sovereignty. Timerman said no. You guys didn’t think that whole dialogue bullshit was true, right? Because it’s not. Well, now the islanders are upset. Which means that there’s no possibility of a rapprochement anytime soon and I will still have to write about this stuff in the future. Fuck my life.
  • Meanwhile, in the Malvinas/Falklands: the islanders, probably tired of being ignored by the international community, announced they would conduct a referendum on the islands in order to “put this sovereignty fuckery to rest once and for all.” Well, they didn’t say it like that, but that’s what they meant. So that’s great, guys! However, there’s no need to “announce” you’re gonna do it. Just do it! Considering the islands have a population of like, 12 people, you just go to the local pub and tell the parishioners to raise their hands and count. That’s it! Referendum ready.
  • I’m kidding, islanders! I know you’re more than 12 people! I also know you read my weekly rants, so I’m sorry, but if everyone else falls then you don’t get to leave this column unscathed.
  • This week, in non-Malvinas related news: the Interior Ministry announced the creation of a new passport that will cost 400 pesos and will include a state-of-the-art chip that Argentina hopes will persuade nations such as the US, Canada or Australia from asking citizens for a visa before they travel there. The good news is that since dollars are basically impossible to find anywhere in this country, Argentines weren’t even thinking of going there in the first place. See? Everybody happy.
  •  Apparently the cacerolazos are still happening, even though no one is actually aware of them. Not content with last week’s fiasco, which failed to galvanize the anti-Kirchnerite segment of the population, a few angry people decided to come out yesterday and bang their frying pans and teapots in order to demand access to their dollars protest corruption. Fortunately this time they had the help of former mayoral candidate and absolutely crazy person Guillermo Cherashny (did you click on that? You should. Want another one? Here’s another one). I’m not sure what Cherashny, a journalist who really did run for mayor of Buenos Aires, was doing there in the first place but if his protest methodologies are indication of anything, I’m certain the cacerolazos will eventually become a “thing”. After all, who could forget his You Tube video aimed at Hewlett-Packard in which he decides to take action against his laptop computer (did you click on that? You should.)?
  • Also, since we are talking about protests and injustice, can anyone give this guy a hand? You see, former railway worker Luis Alberto Ninona has been indicted along with many others in the case investigating the Once railway tragedy that took the lives of 51 people last February. So understandably, Mr. Ninona is not allowed to leave the country, as he is suspected of being responsible of manslaughter. But, alas! His lawyer announced that he has all these (I assume, frequent flier) “miles” accumulated and he needs to used them before they expire for a little vacation in Punta Cana, where he’ll be sipping piña coladas for a few days only to eventually return to explain why he’s not kind of responsible for so many deaths. The prosecutor, clearly a bad person, has already said he will not let him leave Argentina for a trip with his family. Can any of you give this guy a hand? Anyone? No? Shame on you.
  • At long, last! After six interminable months devoid of music, dancing, and masturbatory material, the biggest TV show in the history of poor quality TV shows is back! (No, kids! I’m not talking about Ricardo Fort‘s megalomaniac extravaganza “Fort Night Show.” That one actually begins in eight days and it already looks like it’s gonna suck). I’m talking about the local version of Dancing With The Stars of course! The impressive opening last Monday, which lasted over 12 minutes, and I must admit is worth watching, featured the entire cast of Game of Thrones dancing to the tunes of Madonna, Adele, LMFAO and Michael Jackson. So it was pretty much the gayest 12-minutes in the history of television. Too bad after minute 13 it’s all downhill until December.
  • Also, in unrelated news but somehow totally related: for months this image went viral on every social network last year, saying that every time you start watching Dancing With The Stars (hosted by Marcelo Tinelli) a book kills itself. So in some kind of poetic -yet depressing- twist of fate, last Monday night at 3:30 am and only a few hours after the Dancing With The Stars premiere was over, a water pipe in the Library of the City Legislature “mysteriously” broke and destroyed more than 13,000 invaluable books forever.
  • Horror! For the first time in its 142 years, and in order to further perpetuate the notion (well… your notion) that this country is turning into North Korea, your favorite newspaper in the whole world (La Nación) failed to reach the newsstands due to a union conflict (workers demanding better salaries). So no, this time it wasn’t the Government trying to destroy free speech. Next week maybe, but not this time.
  • This week saw the death of yet another singer you couldn’t care less about, this time was Memphis La Blusera‘s Adrian Otero. Since I know that you didn’t care about Estela Raval’s death last week and you don’t care about Otero’s death this week, let’s just be practical and move on. Sorry, everyone. There’s just no point in any of this.
  • The reckless endangerment in this country continues, this time in the so-called “Poncho Rally (?)” in Catamarca. The good news is that, even though the driver could have killed dozens of bystanders that were casually standing on the side of the road, this time the only one getting kind of killed is him.
  • Don’t worry, I said “kind of killed,” not “killed”. You can laugh without feeling any guilt.
  • As signs of an impending zombie apocalypse continue to surface all over the world, a widow in Buenos Aires seems to have fully embraced the concept and decided to pimp the crypt in which her late husband is buried. She even has cable TV and everything! Now don’t laugh. Necrophilia is in this year. Don’t you watch True Blood? It’s basically a show about dead people fucking each other and so far I haven’t heard a qualm. It’s 2012, get over it.
  • Shocking! The very aptly named “Happy Planet Index” shows that on the list of happiest countries on Earth, Argentina comes No. 17! You guys, that’s awesome! See? I told you those cacerolazos were nonsense. Everyone is happy here! Now, I have no idea how this is measured, how rigorous these studies are or how much bullshit factor is involved (not because I couldn’t find it, it’s all right there on the website. I just couldn’t be bothered to look it up). All I know is that if you live in the US, Mongolia or some landlocked African nation, chances are you are pretty pissed off right now.
  • That cute little alpine town at the end of the world that you love so much (Ushuaia) is seemingly entering the Ice Age once again. Tierra del Fuego authorities reported that only last week it had already snowed half of what they would usually get in an entire season! People had to be evacuated and roads were closed, leaving the town completely isolated from the rest of the world. I’m not willing to bet on it, but I’m sure the people from the Happy Planet Index did not go all the way down there to ask how things were doing. Just saying.
  • This week, in sports that I hate: Argentine football continues to

    Football. I fucking hate it. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    spiral down into utter chaos while I rub my hands in delight at the prospect of seeing that ignominious sport cancelled or constitutionally banned for good. Let’s read about it, shall we?

  • River Plate is fucked. No, for real this time. As if last year’s relegation to the National B had not been enough, 2012 seems to be slapping fans in the face with a sledgehammer. Last Sunday, before a match between River Plate and some team named Boca Unidos that at first I thought it was Boca Juniors but then I realized it was not, two of River’s hooligan factions clashed inside the stadium, leaving one of them dead. That’s right, these guys are killing each other and they even root for the same team! The murderer was arrested today in Mendoza. So smart, these guys.
  • **UPDATE** The internet peoples have kindly pointed out that, contrary to what the local media initially said, the stab victim was  actually not a member of a hooligan faction. He was just a fan. Now, since I usually don’t give a shit about football I would have let it slide, but in this case we’re talking about someone’s death and this information had to be corrected.
  • As rumors that the River Plate stadium could be shut down due to the murder were abound, a new controversy exploded this week after a player from the ignotus (at least for me) team Patronato de Paraná or something like that casually dropped during a press conference that River Plate authorities had offered them “incentives” (i.e. bribes) to win a match against Rosario Central for some reason. The nationwide outrage was immediate and now, if the accusations are proven true, River Plate could be facing a 4-month to 2-year suspension from all football activities. Oh, come on guys. That wouldn’t be so bad! I mean, there’s always tennis.
  • A game between Gimnasia de la Plata and Ferro had to be suspended after someone, who I swear to God was not me but totally could have been, called in a bomb threat.
  • Yeah, sorry. No Wikipedia links to Gimnasia de la Plata or Ferro. Oh, they do exist. I just didn’t care to do it.
  • Diego Maradona, whose opinion for some reason that escapes logic still matters, felt compelled to intervene in Argentina’s favorite pastime: insulting Lionel Messi.  ”If people here keep making his life miserable here, Messi is going to stay there (Spain) and never come back to Argentina,” he said. Haha! Maradona, you silly. What makes you think he ever wants to come back in the first place? You’re funny. You’re a funny guy. Why don’t you go back to winning trophies instead of talking about stuff no one cares about? Oh, that’s right.
  • Last but not least: remember a couple of weeks ago when Frankenstein led a hooligan protest against the head of the Independiente club after he launched his own personal crusade to diminish the power of those deranged football fanatics? Well, he’s back! And this time, the man who goes by the non-threatening sobriquet “Bebote” (Big baby), may not be wearing a Frankenstein mask, but chose an equally intimidating fashion item: the pibe chorro hoodie. Not only that, he tried to face the bellwether president of the club, Javier Cantero, outside his club at night while the TV cameras were rolling. The result is scary and hilarious at the same time.
  • So here I am, cigar in one hand, glass of port in the other, as I watch the world of Argentine football collapse upon its own gravity, like a decadent black hole struggling to survive its unavoidable fate while ravaging everything on its path. And I couldn’t be more ecstatic.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

And remember to like this column on Facebook!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

Posted in Thoughts of a ForeignerComments (2)

A Violent Business: Money, Power and Violence in Argentine Football


On 11th May, police shut down and inspected a school following a bomb threat. As a school with connections to the first division football club Independiente, it was widely suspected that football hooligans were behind the threat.

Violence in futbol, an issue needing to be solved (Photo: Parisa)

Just over one week later, another group of hooligans (barras bravas in Latin America) waited for Giovanni Moreno, a player for football team Racing Club, after a training session. Threatening to end his career if he did not leave the team, they pointed a gun at his knee and warned: “Things will get worse for you if you don’t.”

In the same month, Independiente’s vice-president Claudio Keblaitis and members of his family received death threats, while the death of Daniel Sosa, 21, grabbed the media’s attention. On Monday, the death of Gonzalo Saucedo, also 21, added to the exhaustive list of victims of football violence.

Argentina’s long-standing and highly complex problem of football violence is spiralling out of control, and has been thrown sharply into focus this year. Left unresolved for decades by the national government and the Argentine Football Association, (AFA) the issue has reached a tipping point.

Cantero and the Fight for Independiente 

Nizzardo, head of NGO Salvemos al Futbol (Photo: Agus Carini)

The recent election of Javier Cantero as president of Independiente in December 2011 has brought the issue of football violence to the fore. After pledging to put a stop to the money and support given to the club’s particularly violent band of barras bravas by his predecessor, Cantero’s personal campaign may have finally incited action against the problem.

“Cantero and what he is doing has created a lot of noise in the news, and we’re applauding him,” says Monica Nizzardo, from Salvemos Al Futbol (Let’s Save Football). Having founded the non-governmental organisation that has been working to tackle violence and corruption in Argentine football for the last six years, Nizzardo has been collaborating closely with Cantero for two years.

“We’re making a step forward with Cantero. In six years, there has only been one Cantero, and we need to move forward and continue with the struggle.”

Cantero met with members of the AFA and the national government last week to discuss solutions to the violence, but Nizzardo is doubtful of how willing the government are to tackle the issue.

“What I see is a farce. [The government and AFA] are trying to look like they’re doing something. They’ll say, we’ll do a meeting, but it’s a farce. Where’s the action?”

An Escalating Business of Violence, Money and Power

Far from a recent phenomenon, football violence goes hand-in-hand with the nation’s most beloved sport. With the first football-related death recorded in 1924, Argentina has almost witnessed a staggering 100 years of football hooliganism.

Emerging as a more organised brand of hooliganism in the 50s and 60s, each major and minor club in the country has a corresponding group of barras bravas, with some of the most violent hooligans affiliating with River Plate, Independiente, and Boca.

Originally, barras bravas provided guaranteed support for clubs at matches, as well as physical force on hand for club managers. Starting with certain privileges such as free transport to matches or an asado at a game, the power, influence and demands of the barras bravashave been growing at an alarming rate.

Fans in action at a football match (Photo: Nacho AKD)

“As they began to demand more and more privileges, they would see how using violence got them things,” notes Nizzardo. “They would see how people became cowards in front of them, and give them what they wanted.” 

Typically earning money through selling merchandise, tickets, refreshments, controlling car parking at higher profile matches, and often receiving a cut of a player’s transfer fee, hooliganism in Argentina is a lucrative business.

And it is business that is at the core of the issue. With many football clubs having two competing factions of barras bravas, the never-ending violence has become a battle for money and power.

“It’s not a fight of passion, or to fight for who is better in a rivalry,” says Nizzardo adamantly. “No, they are fighting for money. There are often two factions in the same barra. Obviously they are not fighting for their team. They are fighting for money and power, for the power that money gives them.”

A Tangled Web of Vested Interests

But while the phenomenon has been changing and the levels of violence increasing, the national government and the AFA have done nothing to solve the issue plaguing Argentine football.

For experts working on the issue, two hindering factors have become increasingly evident: impunity in the justice system and the longstanding and central issue of corruption – particularly the link between politics and football violence.

The stadium of Boca Juniors Club (Photo: Elemaki)

Gustavo Grabia, an expert on the subject and author of The 12: The True History of Boca Hooligans, has stated that “in Argentina, hooligans have worked for all the different political parties since they were created […] A lot of [barras bravas] supported the military government in the seventies, like “El Negro” Thompson in Quilmes, and then they became supporters of Alfonsín, Menem, Duhalde and now Kirchner.” With their different and often contrasting ideologies, it becomes clear that barras bravas work for money and impunity, regardless of the cause.

This unique link between politics and the barras bravas makes the issue of hooliganism in Argentina far more complex than football violence in other countries, particularly those in Europe.

European specialist Otto Adang summed up the complexity of Argentina’s own brand of football violence. In a talk given in 2009 he stated that “the European solution is useless in Argentina. European hooligans were misfits that got together in groups with no relationship with the government whatsoever. In Argentina, hooligans are part of the business: they take part in the buying and selling of footballers, manage things like merchandising […] and have astonishing political connections.”

Just as football managers would use barras bravas for a display of support, politicians similarly employ the hooligans to raise a flag at matches, or to boost numbers at demonstrations, in exchange for money, power and total impunity.

“A book came out in the Feria del Libro that spoke about INDEC [the national statistics office, suspected of irregularities], by writer Gustavo Noriega,” Nizarro recounts, “and the barra of Chicago club went there to break up the presentation of the book because it spoke badly about this government worker, [Domestic Trade Minister Guillermo] Moreno. We couldn’t believe what we were seeing, a barra openly working for Moreno.”

Football violence has become a much bigger issue than violence and danger in stadiums. The head of River Plate was recently told by a barra brava from his own club: “I respond to Moreno.” With hooligans no longer answering to club managers, but to politicians, the issue is not just in the hands of club managers, even if they carry a huge portion of the blame up until now.

“The relation with politics is making this harder. The heads of the clubs say, ‘I’m reporting things but they are working for political parties. Who is going to protect me?’” says Nizarro

Nizarro states "the relation with politics is making this harder" (Photo: Agus Carini)

In the case of the Argentine justice system, experts have continually criticised its passive role in football violence. With most football-related incidents going unpunished, the sense of impunity is high, and families of victims of football violence are all too often left with no sense of justice.

For Grabia, the justice system is just as at fault as the deep level of corruption, and states “we have to say that judges do not take this issue very seriously.” He notes that, with no special court for football violence, cases are often sent to courts that also deal with rape, murder, theft, or abductions. Since football-related incidents are typically categorised as “injuries in fight,” they are often not considered important enough. Grabia claims that “all the [club managers] know that they have impunity, and so do police officers.”

A Complex Problem with an Obvious Solution

Margaret Thatcher once asked the English footballer Bert Millichip: “What are you doing to keep our society free from your hooligans?” to which he replied: “What are you doing to keep your hooligans out of our football?”

With the issue of politics at the crux of the situation, and with football violence currently in the spotlight, Argentina now faces the huge challenge of eradicating a damaging but integral part of football.

The concrete solution is glaringly obvious to those such as Nizzardo and Grabia who have dedicated themselves to the issue: to permanently break the link between the barras and politicians. With a handful of other basic strategies such as official sale of tickets and identification of those entering stadiums, levels of violence and impunity can also be brought down.

“The biggest thing we need is the political will to disarm the mafias that are attached to each club, which are funded by businessmen who want the clubs to become businesses,” says Nizzardo. “They in turn are financed by politicians because they are used as a workforce to help them. The government knows it needs a strategic and integral plan, not just attacking the heads of the football clubs, who do also have to take part of the responsibility.”

The government undoubtedly has the resources and the ability to investigate the issue. But the real question is whether politicians are seriously willing to stamp out this business of violence that has claimed 261 lives so far.

What do Argentines think should be done about football violence? Click here to find out.

Posted in Current Affairs, News From Argentina, TOP STORYComments (0)

Weekly News Roundup, May 25th.


It’s Friday and it’s a national holiday again!

One of the many that you love so much because you get to enjoy an extra day of doing nothing!

Now, I could start one of my never ending diatribes about how you should know that this is a very important holiday for Argentina and that it’s more than just little white and blue flags on the car’s roof, but in all honesty I’m tired and I have writer’s block.

Here’s a link to the May Revolution, which took place exactly 202 years ago. I know you won’t read it, but in case you have an epiphany and decide you want to learn more about the country you live in, there it is.

Now put down your mate (or 5 pm beer), grab some hot chocolate and churros and celebrate like it’s 1809.

Oh, and like the Weekly News Roundup on Facebook and share it with your friends! If we reach 1000 soon, we’re throwing a party at my place.

This is what you need to know:

  • Former Colombian president Álvaro Uribe was close to being non-assassinated this week. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    EVERYBODY PANIC!!! Because apparently not enough shit goes down here every week, you can now add “attempted political assassination” to the long list of shenanigans taking place in this country. As former Colombian president Álvaro Uribe, considered by many a Latin American mirror image of George W. Bush, readied to give a speech at a leadership conference in the Gran Rex theater this week, a maintenance man working on the venue’s third floor came across two bombs that had been concealed carefully behind a lamp and had been rigged to explode at 4:30 pm on Wednesday, when Uribe’s speech was supposed to be taking place. After a bomb squad defused both explosives, flamboyantly fierce Federal Judge Norberto Oyarbide showed up at the scene to make a scene and engaged in an endless soliloquy filled with over-the-top drama-queenism, explaining that had these bombs gone off not only they would have killed thousands of people but would have also hindered Argentina’s image around the world. The incident was immediately echoed by the world’s largest media outlets, from CNN to Reuters, from The Telegraph to Al Jazeera, and Buenos Aires was once again center stage on the world chalkboard.

  • NO, WAIT. NO ONE PANIC. False alarm, everyone! Turns out it was actually just firecrackers! It seems that someone fucked up big time and confused what is commonly known here as bomba de estruendo (a loud firecracker usually set off by mischievous kids during New Year’s Eve and braindead hooligans during their favorite football game) with an Al Qaeda incendiary device, automatically ridiculing the entire police force before the eyes of the world for crying wolf when what they had found was actually a lamb. “It appears the whole plan was to startle the audience, but the bomb had no destructive power,” said the Federal Police, contradicting Oyarbide’s previous elaborate ramblings.  ”Well, it appears it was nothing more than a stink bomb,” the judge said annoyingly at a press conference later and worried that this whole fiasco had affected his reputation. Oh, judge. You Tube has you singing cuarteto (while probably inebriated) with La Mona Jimenez. Trust me, no one cares about this.
  • EVERYBODY PANIC!!! The UK is apparently keen on blowing us all up and has deployed a nuclear submarine to the South Atlantic to protect the Malvinas/Falklands from Argentina’s invasion back in 1982, sensationalist newspaper The Sun says. And these guys illegally hack phones. Believe me, they know their shit. So something so terrifying and politically convenient for both nations has got to be true. Also, the local press has made sure that you understand it is a NUCLEAR submarine. You know, as in “nuclear” bomb. *wink, wink*
  • NO, WAIT. NO ONE PANIC.  It’s called a nuclear submarine because it is nuclear-powered, not because it carries nuclear weapons. The local media, clearly disappointed by the lack of imminent terror, found another way to scare us all and started focusing on the destructive power of its tomahawk missiles. I guess their point is that the British are trying to kill us all.
  • Also, I’m intrigued about this Argentine guy who will attempt to “symbolically” unite Argentina with the islands by swimming all the way from mainland to Port Stanley (or, as the Twitter nitpickers just told me: “He’s actually going to swim from island to island, you idiot!”). My question is: what happens when he reaches shore? I’m not sure the islanders will be very thrilled to see that Argentines are disembarking at their beaches now. Would that be considered an invasion? Would shooting him be a viable option? Would this be an excuse for the nuclear sub to fire upon us? This thing has “international incident” written all over it. Whatever, more stuff for me to write about. Although in his defense, he says he intends to use this as an opportunity to unite the islanders with the Argentines. So kudos to him for being a lot more well versed in diplomacy than the local Government.
  • In order to perpetuate the cognitive dissonance currently affecting the Argentine political arena, annoying journalist and de facto leader of the opposition Jorge Lanata traveled to Angola last week and cornered Foreign Minister Héctor Timerman during a press conference, asking him how it was possible that the Kirchnerite government, a Human Rights champion, was willing to do business with the Angolan government, greatly denounced for its human rights violations. Timerman, clearly blindsided by the gotcha question was fuming and barely managed to escape the press conference alive. I’m sure that swimmer I was talking about before would have handled the situation ten times better.
  • The exchange rate of the so-called “blue” dollar (as in “black market”) reached new heights this week, even surpassing the Euro’s value. The good news is you don’t need any dollars, you don’t have any dollars and even if you did you don’t even know where the black market is. See? It all works out in the end.
  • If you’re wondering why there’s an apparent lack of Cristina-related news this week, it’s because she had to take a two-day leave of absence after catching the flu.
  • In totally unrelated news, this happened three weeks ago. Just saying.
  • The much-feared “three-day Subte strike” was avoided in the eleventh hour when subway workers and Metrovías S.A. came to an initial agreement, effectively killing my segue and a litany of jokes that I had prepared for what was going to be a fucked up week. Thanks for ruining everything for me, jackasses.
  • Remember how last week I was happy because the British had finally acknowledged that I was right and decided to create an anti-Maradona ad to piss off the entire Argentine population? They’ve done it again! And this time they actually mock the “hand of God” episode, just like I said! I guess I have more klout than I thought, which is more than the former football star can say for himself.
  • EVERYBODY PANIC!!! In what probably constitutes the worst piece of gastronomic news since the Irish Great Potato Famine, I am very sorry to announce that McDonald’s and Burger King may very soon run out of french fries to sell since the McCain factory in Argentina has shut down indefinitely because of trade restrictions at the Brazilian border. Since 70% of the company’s production is exported to Brazil, over 1,500 tons of frozen fries were ruined after getting green and mossy in the back of some poorly refrigerated warehouse in some forgotten border town after they were not allowed to cross over. So in protest McCain is stopping production, which means no more fries anywhere. Or, even worse, both restaurants will close a deal with Farm Frites, the RC Cola of pre-fried french fries.
  • NO, WAIT. NO ONE PANIC. The Government has intervened and vowed to find a proper place to store the fries, at least until the trade irregularities with Brazil are resolved. Phew! Close call! Can you imagine being stuck with the cherry tomatoes?! I’d rather kill myself, thank you very much.
  • Hey, here’s a neat idea! Let’s organize a Classic Car Show in some town in Río Negro and then have one of the “classic” (“classic” as in “piece of shit”) vehicles drive around the block to show people standing on the sidewalk that it is, indeed, a car. Then, to fire up the crowd, let’s create an obstacle course in the middle of the street by setting up a few of those orange plastic cones so you can have the vehicles swerve and break in front of the audience with a complete disregard of any sort of safety protocols. I mean, come on! What could possibly go wrong? Oh, yeah. That.
  • Move over, Phoenix Jones! There’s a new real-life superhero in town some other part of the world! Former

    If you're wondering what this guy is doing here, keep reading. You'll eventually find out. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    treacherous vice-president and current political pariah Julio Cobos, who as you (probably don’t) know served during Cristina’s first term and was ostracized from her Cabinet after he stabbed her in the back, is now seemingly moonlighting as a superhero! You see, Mr. Cobos was casually patrolling the streets of Mendoza this week when he spotted a Toyota Hilux rolling down the street without a driver.  Noticing that it was headed straight to a busy main avenue, where some kid named Little Timmy was probably waiting to be run over by it, Mr. Cobos didn’t hesitate and stood in front of the 1.2 ton behemoth, successfully stopping it with his bare hands and saving the day. Well, in all honesty he was helped by another man who happened to be there but no one gives a shit about him. The whole ordeal was of course picked up by the press, who lauded Cobos as the hero du jour, and was caught on video by a bystander who was absolutely not paid to be there with a video camera. Unfortunately, the camera started rolling after the heroic deed took place, so you’re pretty much stuck with footage of a couple of old geezers greeting Cobos as he exits his car (!?) and the pick up truck laying still in the back. I guess we’ll just have to take his word for it. Stay tuned, next week Mr. Cobos saves Little Timmy after he falls in a well and/or is caught in a fire at the old mill.

  • Mark your calendar kids! This week Congress passed a bill creating yet another national holiday, but don’t get so excited because it’s one of the lame ones (meaning it’s just a one time thing). In order to commemorate the 200th. anniversary of some battle of historical significance that you just didn’t click on in order to find out more about it, lawmakers decided that next February 3rd will be a national holiday. Yay, government!
  • Also, I was so certain that you wouldn’t click on it that if you do, you get rickrolled. Go on, give it a try! And for you nerds complaining that you didn’t get to read about the actual battle, here is the correct link to the Battle of San Lorenzo.
  • I know you didn’t click on that one either. Just saying.
  • I feel like I say this almost every month so the joke may be getting old, but City Hall has authorized cab drivers in Capital to raise their fare rates yet again. Come October, you will be paying 91 cents for every 200 meters (you currently pay 73 cents every two blocks). So let’s take a look at the current state of mass transit: taxis are for the rich, trains are deadly, the subways are about to go out of business and your bikes get stolen on a regular basis (I would have also included “cars” on the list, but let’s face it, you don’t own one). Right now buses are your last chance to get somewhere in the city, and who knows how long we have until a single bus ride goes up to $4. Once that happens, I guess it’s time to go back to whatever country you come from.
  • EVERYONE PANIC (for real this time)!!! The gates of hell have been opened and the unthinkable has happened. After several football clubs vaguely suggested that they had had enough of the barrabrava (hooligan) savagery, the fanatics reacted in accordance to their  nature and began sending death threats to everyone in their path. And that’s the most peaceful reaction they could come up with! In just one week, they:
  • Forced the vice-president of Independiente, Claudio Keblaitis, to take a 3-month leave of absence after they sent him a note warning him that they would shoot him in the head if his club stopped giving them money.
  • Threatened the board of the River Plate Club, relegated last year to the National B, by sending them messages that read “Take us back to the First Division or die.”
  • Forced the Government to jump in and say that if the violence doesn’t stop, they will have to resort to much more drastic measures, such as suspending all games and tournaments in the country indefinitely.
  • Threatened to atta…- Wait. Hold on a second. No football?! AT ALL?! INDEFINITELY?! AND WITH SOME HOPE, FOREVER?!?! OH MY GOD!!
  • And finally, my favorite moment of the week: While the leader of Independiente continued to wage his holy crusade against the club’s hooligans and tension kept rising, those mindless neanderthals decided to converge at the entrance of the club to vehemently condemn those who condemn them for being a bunch of sociopaths.  As the protest grew larger and the media showed up, the not-so-aloof head of the hooligans, Mr. Frankenstein (no, seriously) cornered one of the club’s directors against a wall urging him to reconsider their “confrontational” position. No, I’m not kidding! The head of the Independiente hooligans is Frankenstein. Here, see for yourself. Also please look at the face of the club’s representative, who is forced to engage in a serious dialogue with him in front of the cameras.
  • And yes, I do know that the correct name for that character is Frankenstein’s Monster, since in the original Mary Shelley story, which I’m sure you didn’t read, “Frankenstein” is not the creature but the name of the doctor who creates the creature. Whatever, man. I’m not responsible for the character symbiosis and I don’t dictate the rules of pop culture. So shut up, even though you probably didn’t say anything.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

And remember to like this column on Facebook!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

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Weekly News Roundup, February 3rd.


It’s Friday again!

And I’m mortified to say that this may be our last Weekly News Roundup ever, since the way things are going it’s very probable that in a few days Buenos Aires will be replaced by a highly radioactive wasteland after a British nuke goes off somewhere in the City, the result of David Cameron’s unilateral escalation of the Malvinas / Falklands sovereignty conflict.

Haha, I’m kidding of course!

However, don’t tell your mother about these jokes because you know how parents react to all this. You make a joke about war and they start freaking out, yelling at you for abandoning the comfort of your first-world lifestyle to leave for “Argelina or one of those countries near Brazil” (“Brazil” being the only country they more or less know how to locate on a map of South America. Yeah, that’s right, it’s always Brazil. It’s not Colombia, it’s not Paraguay and God knows it’s not Guyana, a country that even I thought was in Africa for several years. I know it. You know it. We all know it.)

Deal with it.

This is what you need to know:

  • Prince William. His country may have nuclear weapons and rule the Malvinas, but he's going bald and there's nothing he can do about that. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    Since apparently Mr. Cameron is dealing with some troubles at home he needs to divert attention and find a cause that will fire up the population. And what better way of doing that than appealing to the most primal of stupid nationalism? And while Argentina keeps saying “let’s talk about how those islands should belong to us,” the British government replies “Oh my God, invasion!!” So in order to protect the Malvinas/Falklands from a certain non-invasion and bring all of us closer to war, Great Britain has:

  • 1) Decided it would be a great idea to send the HMS Dauntless to the islands in order to protect them from Argentina’s non-invasion. Despite its totally gay name, the Dauntless is a powerful anti-air destroyer capable of shooting down Argentina’s non-existing air force. Of course the British government said it was just “routine,” but we all know what that means.
  • 2) In addition to that impressive warship, they also thought it would be smart to deploy to the islands none other than Prince William himself, who I’m sure is thrilled to have to stay at some barren, windy outpost north of nowhere for six weeks. I can totally see him, scotch in hand, going ”What the fuck am I doing here?” and such. Of course the British government said it was just “routine,” but we all know what that means.
  • 3) As if that were not enough, Meryl Streep‘s latest film, “The Iron Lady,” which depicts the life of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and focuses somewhat on the 1982 war between England and Argentina, opened yesterday and now everyone is depressed because it reminds them of that drunken military president who went to war with the UK because he needed to rally the country’s population behind some random cause to retain power. So I would suggest you avoid the issue altogether unless you wanna get punched in the face.
  • أخبار عظيمة للجميع! (That’s supposed to be “Great news, everyone!” in Arabic according to Google Translate. It should have been in Farsi, but the option is not available so fuck it.) Inhuman rights champion and President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmedinejad officially launched last Tuesday a new Spanish news network which he expects will present “the cultural reality of Iran, the Middle East and Latin America.” In a very contrived Spanish, good old Mahmoud said: “Death to America!”Viva España! Viva America Latina!” That’s great Mr. President! And you know, his administration is changing after all. A few years ago they would stone women to death, but now they “kinda call off the whole stoning thing.” A few years ago they would also execute the gays just for being gay, but now they have no more gays! They must have cured them or something. Right? Right?? Also, I’m pretty sure he was high when he made that video.
  • Did you enjoy that overrated French movie, Amelie? Did you also enjoy that clearly underrated masterpiece The Da Vinci Code but are too ashamed to admit it? In both cases you probably enjoyed Audrey Tautou‘s performance. So if you care to get her autograph, you should know that she’s loose in San Telmo right now, according to every media outlet in the country. Yeah, that’s right. This is news, for some reason.
  • Your dream has come true: Facebook Buenos Aires is now hiring! Too bad your resume is a million light years away from the kind of resume they’re looking for. Oh well. Pizza Hut and KFC are about to open in BA too and they will probably be looking for some “driven, outgoing individuals interested in workin in a fun, exciting environment.” Just saying.
  • Mother Nature must have been pissed this week, because she’s been coming down hard on us humans.  A freak storm was unleashed over Córdoba city, catching everyone by surprise. Two people were killed, more than a dozen were injured and hundreds had to be evacuated.
  • Are you one of the million people who listened to my advice last week and stood in line for five hours under the sun/rain in order to get your SUBE card before the February 10 deadline? Well, like I’ve said a thousand times before, you should never listen to me. Because this week the Government set up a web site where people can order it online and get it in the comfort of their homes. No waiting. Sorry!
  • Yeah, I know I just said you should never listen to me, but trust me on this one.
  • Rive Plate played against Boca Juniors again in the “second part” of that fake Superclásico that the AFA pulled out of its ass in order to make more money. River Plate lost again. The AFA won again. You lost again.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

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Boat Your Way to Tigre


A premium Sturla launch taking off in Tigre.

When you boat your way somewhere, even if just for a day out of the city, the waters clear the spirit and you feel instantly on holiday. You can find that by travelling from the city of Buenos Aires to Tigre, a charming little suburb 30kms north, which is also the jumping off point for hundreds of little islands in the Paraná delta, making it a top day or weekend getaway place for porteños.

Sturla is the only company that provides boat trips between the city and Tigre. You can charter one of their four available vessels, going wherever tickles your fancy, or take a pre-packaged tour. There’s the Delta Premium, which is just a one way or return, including a guide and a hop-on hop-off bus ticket in town, or the Tigre Full Day packages, which consist of a return trip and different tour options with set lunch.

The Delta Premium tour leaves the harbour at Puerto Madero at 10am every day, where the staff at Sturla organise passengers, who are mostly international tourists, into two vessels. With the capacity to hold more than 40 people, these are clean, comfortable boats with large, panoramic windows.

The guides are bilingual or trilingual (English, Spanish and Portuguese), and the two-hour journey starts with an introduction to the crew members, then the history of the harbour in Puerto Madero, interesting facts about Río de la Plata and the sites you pass.

Even though emergency instructions may go out the window in panic situations, it would be good if they were included. The complimentary coffee and alfajor, the classic Argentine cake, are a nice touch though. They also have water, soft drinks, beer or crisps far sale.

Throughout the journey, the landscape switches from the city to the sight of the islands in delta around Tigre, which occupy a space of around 220km². It is impressively beautiful, with the green trees, perfect lawns and charming houses constructed by the side of the water. From the river, the visit shows the house in which Juan Domíngo and Eva Perón spent their summer holiday and a replica of former president Domingo Faustino Sarmiento’s house, which is inside a glass box and is a museum.

You may go out on the deck, where the sun kisses your face, and marvel with the view. Slowly you start observing holiday makers in action: people swimming, sunbathing on yachts, riding jet-skis, kayaking, water skiing or rowing, which comes as no surprise being that Tigre is the capital of rowing in Argentina, where the Brits build the first rowing club in 1873.

A classic Sturla Launch

There are no roads or bridges between the islands, so the way to move around is by private or commuter boats. Those living there get their services (like groceries and post) from passing vessels.

The ride ends at Tigre fluvial station. With only four hours to spend exploring the city before the return boat leaves, if you do not take the Full Day excursion you may choose to get on the Spanish-guided hop-on, hop-off bus right outside the station.

Lunch at the Puerto de Frutos (Fruits Port) is a good bet. It used to be an exclusively fruit and veg market but now it’s a base for craftsmanship products, a variety of shops and restaurants from parrillas to picadas.

The touristic bus also stops in three different museums (the arts, the naval and the war museums), which are not too big so there will be time to take a peak. Unfortunately there’s not enough time to enjoy other perks of the town, like Parque de la Costa theme park, the Trilenium Casino or chill out in one of the leisure parks such as Parque Lyfe or El Alcazar. To do that, you would have to travel to Tigre by train.

If you live in the city and are hoping to go in and out of Tigre for the torturously hot summer weekends, how often you’re willing to fork out considerably more money and listen to the same explanations (in which figures often do not coincide), is up to you. Still, it’s something that should be done at least once.

Posted in Travel, TravelComments (0)

Catch and Release: Club de Pescadores


Have you ever driven along the costanera en route to Jorge Newbery airport, cast your eyes off to the right for a last look at the river and wondered: “What is that lone tudor structure perched majestically on top of the water?”

Depending on the light, it can resemble either an English seaside estate or an eerie manse from a Chas Addams cartoon, but it’s actually the Club de Pescadores; one of the few places in the city to enjoy the Río de la Plata close-up. And don’t let its seclusion fool you; this sporting club is alive and kicking. On a sunny day, you’ll find as many as 150 members out on the pier, chatting with friends, sunbathing, and, of course, fishing.

Fisherman on the pier (Photo: Meghan Stone)

Guillermo Iaria has always been passionate about his pastime, and recently sidelined from other sports due to a knee injury, he’s spending more time at the club. “The fun of being here goes beyond fishing,” he says. “The wind, the tranquility, and the sound of the water,” are for him, what makes the experience so pleasurable.

Over a hundred years ago, the area was merely an extension of Ayucucho street, which terminated in an old dock named ‘Los Franceses’ after the French ships that used to unload coal there on to trains travelling from Retiro station.

But one day in 1903, a group of men who liked to fish from the dock put up a sign at the entrance that read ‘De Pescadores’, staking their claim to the spot. Those few men unknowingly became the founders of what is now a 1,800-member club.

Almost 30 years on, construction began to replace the small clapboard house with what is the club’s current home. Designed after a Belgian castle destroyed in World War II, the building you see today took seven years to complete, and besides the addition of a glass paned balcony added in the 1950s to afford better views of the river, hasn’t undergone any further architectural modifications. Last year the clubhouse was declared a National Historic Monument, insuring that this iconic structure will remain largely unchanged.

Inside, the club has the look of a traditional institution, but is surprisingly unpretentious. The marble floor and mahogany staircase in the front hall hint at formality, yet club members can be seen casually dressed in shorts and laden with fishing gear. Neither is it a men-only club; women have been invited as members since the 40s.

“In fishing, everyone is equal,” says the president of the club, Julio Bragulat. “You can get here by bus, bicycle or Mercedes-Benz, but once you walk out on to the pier, there’s no competition.”

Inside the club's upstairs restaurant (Photo: Meghan Stone)

Downstairs the clubhouse has several communal areas including a games room, a library, a sitting area with a large-screen TV, and a newly completed historical room. Opened during this month’s Noche de los Museos on 12th November 2011, it displays treasures such as club trophies, antique reels and hooks, old photographs of the club’s founders, and even an original bus ticket from 1932 as evidence of how people reached the dock in pre-costanera highway times.

Upstairs is a restaurant, run under separate management from the club, and a large events room, where dances, concerts, and other social affairs are often held.

A small aquarium, housing nearly every species of fish inhabiting the Río de la Plata, is open to the public along with the historical room and restaurant. An impressive corridor decorated with vintage fishing rods opens out on to the water leading to the club’s main attraction – its 565-metre long pier.

The first thing one notices about the pier is its simplicity. With no protective railings, the trenches that line the edges satisfy a double purpose – safety, but also a comfortable niche in which to sit closer to the water. Those who want to take a break from the sun, or prefer to sit at a table for lunch, can take refuge in one of several huts along the dock.

Last year, the construction of a new coastal road resulted in the loss of 50 metres of pier extending from the shoreline; a loss which the club compensated for by extending the pier a further 115 metres out over the river and building a bigger refuge at the end that now seats nearly 50 people.

Club rules are simple. No radios or motorised fishing boats are allowed. So except for the sounds of rippling water, birds calling, and an occasional plane taking off from the nearby Jorge Newbery airport, the surroundings are peaceful.

Club vice-president Ricardo Jürgensen and president Julio Bragulat (Photo: Meghan Stone)

Here, sportsmanship is everything. Members use only one rod, since anchoring multiple rods to a fixed spot and watching from afar is considered unsportsmanlike. Additionally, the club’s catch and release policy means all caught fish must be returned to the water, unless a member catches a particularly large fish, in which case he may keep it, but only one per day.

“Our aims, first and foremost,” says the club’s vice-president Ricardo Jürgensen, “are protecting the environment, preserving the ecological balance, and avoiding depletion of the fish population.”

On a recent Saturday afternoon, club member Miguel Ángel cast his line off the north side of the dock hoping to catch a dorado. He feels a tug, reels in his line and pulls out a tarpon that got hooked, not by a direct bite, but by a snag on its side. With the help of a net, Ángel frees the fish and sets to work unhooking his catch.

Clearly, he enjoys the process. When he tries to explain what it is about fishing that he loves so much, one word seems to sum it up: “It’s an illness,” he says. “I just wait. I just wait for Sundays because that’s when I can go fishing.”

The club is open for fishing 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. It hosts regular fishing competitions as well as inter-club tournaments, and members also have use of the club’s four other locations in the provinces of Buenos Aires and Entre Ríos.

Posted in SportComments (1)

Weekly News Roundup, July 1st.


It’s Friday again!

Although for many of you it’s probably already Monday, or Wednesday, or whatever, since I’m sure with the Copa America tournament kicking-off this afternoon you couldn’t care less about this column. That’s OK though, I’m not offended. The fact that you’re all bitching about how “cold” it is at night, and how the weather directly hinders your pathetic little drunken crusades around town every evening actually makes me feel better. So there, we’re even.

Anyway, this is what you losers needed to know last Friday, but didn’t bother checking out because you were following a ball like a tribe of zombie lemmings.

And to those who really are visiting today, thank you for appreciating my efforts, one day I’ll pay back.

  • After creating unparalleled levels of anticipation that made it seem as if the lines between politics and entertainment had been blurred forever, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner finally announced on live television who her running mate would be. Imagine everyone’s surprise when her choice turned out to be none other than… Sorry, we’ll talk about this later, there’s something more important to discuss: River Plate.

  • Buenos Aires, five minutes before the end of the River Plate match. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    OH MY FUCKING GOD. Last Sunday was, according to most historians around the globe, the saddest day in the history of the universe. Believe it or not, legendary football team River Plate ended up being relegated to the National B Division after 110 years of being in the A Division. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I guess for football fans it’s like going from being Brad Pitt to Sloth from The Goonies, one more piece of evidence that the end of the world is nigh.

  • Such a terrible ordeal (for the hooligans, I mean) became, according to River Plate president Daniel Passarella “a matter of national interest,” for which he requested an audience with President Fernández de Kirchner in order to discuss the club’s next steps. I applaud this decision. I mean, finally we get to see who really wields all the power in this country. And that is, of course, the president of a football team.
  • Oh, and not to rain on your parade, but relegation means of course that you’ll never again be able to witness a Superclasico . Pity.
  • However, you can still enjoy some good ole’ football, since the Copa America begins tonight! I have no idea what it’s about (I believe like a football world cup but on a continental level) but people seem to consider it entertaining enough. So there, have fun.
  • Football Superstar and probable deity Lionel Messi confessed to the press that when he retires from football, he would like to move to Argentina. This statement prompted many Argentines to go all “In your face, Spaniards!” Well, sorry to pop your balloon but the only reason he does it is because with the Euro being 6 to 1 here, it’s obvious he only does it in order to be six trillion times richer than all of us combined.
  • Speaking of which, you know how Argentines love to hate Obama,

    Buenos Aires, five minutes after the end of the River Plate match. (Photo/Wikipedia)

    saying that he’s just like Bush and stuff? Well apparently it’s all forgiven when he compares himself to Messi. No hard feelings, Mr. President?

  • “Oh my God, you guys! The Harlem Globetrotters are here!” That’s what I would have said if it were 1990. However, it’s not 1990 so no one cares. By the way, the Harlem Globetrotters really are here.
  • The Argentine Government is once again furious at the British Government after the British Defence Minister warned that they are ready to go to war if Argentina continues busting their balls about the Malvinas/Falklands Islands. Jesus, you two. Honestly, either go to war or don’t, but get over this endless saber rattling crap because it’s gotten really boring and I’m not sure people believe any of you anymore. Idiots.
  • Finally, Twitter proves that it is kind of useful! After senators in the Upper House announced this week their intentions to pass a bill aimed at creating an additional tax for digital products such as mp3 players and cell phones, Twitter users staged a large protest on the the internet that forced senators to call off the debate. Congratulations, useless teenagers! You’ve finally achieved something! Of course, the fact that a bunch of hackers attacked the Senate website and intimidated government officials, may have also been responsible for their change of heart, but I guess we’ll never know!
  • Now that President Fernández de Kirchner is in full campaign mode, she has decided to finally acknowledge that insecurity is kind of a problem here. That’s why she announced the deployment of additional police officers in several “critical” areas in the south of the city, where criminal activities seem to be flourishing. Does this mean you’ll be safer? No, since Palermo, San Telmo, Recoleta and all the other “green zones” you like to go to for drinks and sex couldn’t be further from the south. So remember: don’t leave your home without your pepper spray/gun kids!
  • And finally: after creating unparalleled levels of anticipation that made it seem as if the lines between politics and entertainment had been blurred forever, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner finally announced on live television who her running mate in the coming presidential elections would be. Imagine everyone’s surprise when her choice turned out to be none other than… Economy Minister Amado Boudou! (Check out this file photo of him). The repercussions of her decision are huge, and are expected to drastically alter both domestic and international political scenarios. However, I’ve run out of space since I already used most of it to talk about football. Oh, well.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

Posted in Thoughts of a ForeignerComments (0)

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As we continue our focus on art and design, we revisit Kate Stanworth's 2007 interview with Lucio Boschi about his black and white photographs of lesser-known cultures in Argentina.

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